It may be getting close to the time where I write my book. I dont chose to write this for anyone but myself but something has made me realize its almost time.
now .
to start.
An Evening With D-Ron
13 years ago
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
RANDOM GUY
Yesterday was a friend's rooftop deck party. I love meeting new people and she has an array of friends from differnt backrounds... all in all, a great time! It was a beautiful day here in the PNW adn the sun was setting the city on fire with gorgeous views and a few sunburned shoulders; a welcome experience after this unusually wet Spring.
;
Sidebar: Im sitting on my porch in the backyard writing this and the sun is causing a reflection on my screen. Its like typing into a mirror... and not when you necessarily want to see yourself..hangover and all...ugh!
I had a premonition about last night. It came true. Sometimes I wonder about my 'talent'... I thought about it a week ago... just a passing thought. That Chris (chip/baseball guy) would contact me this weekend... Since I was going to be downtown. He didnt know anything about the party... but he has an apt very close to where I was. Coincidence? One never knows.
I havetn talked to him since I met him downtown that night and we walked the pier. At about 4pm yesterday I got a text that said...HI. i had forgotten about my 'feeling' till I heard my phone go off. I knew instantly. Sure enough it was him. We texted bback and forth for awhile why i was getting dressed and then he calld and we chatted for a bit... He wanted to meet for a drink in Bellevue but since I was going to bein the city, we talked about meeting after the party. After everything that has happened with Loveasuarus this week and DC talking with his family this weekend about how they would feel if he moved here to the PNW... well, entertianing a boy wasnt really somethign I wanted to deal with. Not to mention, im feeling OH SO *NOT* SEXY right now. I need to buckle down again with teh working out. Anyhow, I told him that I would text him when i was geting ready to leave the party.
I didnt leave until around 10pm and by that time, I wasnt feeling into it. I had been drinking for like 5 hours and was finally sober and just wanted to go home and crawl into bed. I knew that if I texted him I would be out for hours and he would definitely want to hook up. My heart is a little too raw to go there with someone new. I know I considered calling Navy Diver but I think that ws a gut reaction to my broken spirit/heart at what Loveasuarus had done. Its only been a week and Im still working thru all that goes with losing someone you love dearly...both romantically and on an emotional/friendship level. Hooking up with Chip wouldnt be prudent. So, suffice it to say, I never called/texted.
At abotu 11pm he sent me a text...HI. I didnt respond...then again at 1138 about how I must have had other ideas for the night and to get home safe and sleep well... I just dont know what this guy wants. Something about it doesnt sit right with me. So, as much as I am attracted to him and we have made out a few times... my intuition is telling me otherwise. Its not like me to not want to hang out with a 6'5 hunk thats hot for me... maybe its the fact that he is such and hes into me...but i flat out told him that if he didnt want to date-date...i wasnt all that interested. I mean, HULLO. I am in love with one man that I shouldnt be adn that doesnt/cant/wont choose me but tells me he loves me... I have an amazing guy that I adore as a friend that treats me like a princess and has the inkling of a future that we could share and is thinking of moving across the country to try things and some hot hunky ex semi pro baseball player that wants to fuck me but I cant really trust for some unknown reason. Getting physically involved with Chris/Chip isnt really a good idea. Its fun to makeout but if i continue down that path, I wont be able to deny the situacion much longer. Loveasaurs even told me once that he didnt trust /like the guy. Probably b'c he wanted to get in my pants..lol
I wish Loveasuarus and I could at least talk. Ive posted a few things and there was a response or 2 but I think there was one that was him... not sure. I feel like I didnt get closure. I dont know. I cried while driving home last night about it. Im not good with saying good bye and losing someone important to me...lover or friend.
Here comes the wind....hmmmm....
the sun feels good on my face. I think im going to goto the gym today. a bit later. Wash my car and let zen swim in her pool on th front lawn.
My mother has been acting up again this weekend. i had to delete her from my facebook. Fucking crazy bullshit. I had to explain to Dc and thankfully, he gets it... its just embarrassing when your mother is a wack.
Zen is sleeping in the sun, I hear the deer in the backround trumping thru the woods eating...and the bugs are buzzing and birds singing... There is Peace in my immediate world.
I love this moment.
;
Sidebar: Im sitting on my porch in the backyard writing this and the sun is causing a reflection on my screen. Its like typing into a mirror... and not when you necessarily want to see yourself..hangover and all...ugh!
I had a premonition about last night. It came true. Sometimes I wonder about my 'talent'... I thought about it a week ago... just a passing thought. That Chris (chip/baseball guy) would contact me this weekend... Since I was going to be downtown. He didnt know anything about the party... but he has an apt very close to where I was. Coincidence? One never knows.
I havetn talked to him since I met him downtown that night and we walked the pier. At about 4pm yesterday I got a text that said...HI. i had forgotten about my 'feeling' till I heard my phone go off. I knew instantly. Sure enough it was him. We texted bback and forth for awhile why i was getting dressed and then he calld and we chatted for a bit... He wanted to meet for a drink in Bellevue but since I was going to bein the city, we talked about meeting after the party. After everything that has happened with Loveasuarus this week and DC talking with his family this weekend about how they would feel if he moved here to the PNW... well, entertianing a boy wasnt really somethign I wanted to deal with. Not to mention, im feeling OH SO *NOT* SEXY right now. I need to buckle down again with teh working out. Anyhow, I told him that I would text him when i was geting ready to leave the party.
I didnt leave until around 10pm and by that time, I wasnt feeling into it. I had been drinking for like 5 hours and was finally sober and just wanted to go home and crawl into bed. I knew that if I texted him I would be out for hours and he would definitely want to hook up. My heart is a little too raw to go there with someone new. I know I considered calling Navy Diver but I think that ws a gut reaction to my broken spirit/heart at what Loveasuarus had done. Its only been a week and Im still working thru all that goes with losing someone you love dearly...both romantically and on an emotional/friendship level. Hooking up with Chip wouldnt be prudent. So, suffice it to say, I never called/texted.
At abotu 11pm he sent me a text...HI. I didnt respond...then again at 1138 about how I must have had other ideas for the night and to get home safe and sleep well... I just dont know what this guy wants. Something about it doesnt sit right with me. So, as much as I am attracted to him and we have made out a few times... my intuition is telling me otherwise. Its not like me to not want to hang out with a 6'5 hunk thats hot for me... maybe its the fact that he is such and hes into me...but i flat out told him that if he didnt want to date-date...i wasnt all that interested. I mean, HULLO. I am in love with one man that I shouldnt be adn that doesnt/cant/wont choose me but tells me he loves me... I have an amazing guy that I adore as a friend that treats me like a princess and has the inkling of a future that we could share and is thinking of moving across the country to try things and some hot hunky ex semi pro baseball player that wants to fuck me but I cant really trust for some unknown reason. Getting physically involved with Chris/Chip isnt really a good idea. Its fun to makeout but if i continue down that path, I wont be able to deny the situacion much longer. Loveasaurs even told me once that he didnt trust /like the guy. Probably b'c he wanted to get in my pants..lol
I wish Loveasuarus and I could at least talk. Ive posted a few things and there was a response or 2 but I think there was one that was him... not sure. I feel like I didnt get closure. I dont know. I cried while driving home last night about it. Im not good with saying good bye and losing someone important to me...lover or friend.
Here comes the wind....hmmmm....
the sun feels good on my face. I think im going to goto the gym today. a bit later. Wash my car and let zen swim in her pool on th front lawn.
My mother has been acting up again this weekend. i had to delete her from my facebook. Fucking crazy bullshit. I had to explain to Dc and thankfully, he gets it... its just embarrassing when your mother is a wack.
Zen is sleeping in the sun, I hear the deer in the backround trumping thru the woods eating...and the bugs are buzzing and birds singing... There is Peace in my immediate world.
I love this moment.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
The Echoes
Of Echoes of memories cloud my vision
I lay to dream
I suffocate on the impression glazed upon my walls
I close my eyes only to see your heart beating red
pulsating the intentions of a criminal
You thief
Sitting in your chair
oblivious to the words I scream
without a voice
my face filled with the geniune sorrow
of lost impressions
forgotten memories
tattooed conversations
bad recordings of heartfelt tender moments
tossed to the gutter of your past
soon to be washed away with new
His kiss will be fresh
his skin taste so differently
he will touch me in ways you didnt
he wont know how to appease my soul
not like you
he will be second fiddle
like you were second nature
I touch your invisible cheek
kiss away invisible tears
read invisible letters
until the reality strikes me in the face
and I am cold
shut off
the walls slowly layering themselves
like the leaves that scatter the ground at winter time
creating layers upon layers of distant moments
soon to be forgotten
soon to be lost
The dream remains
you lying there
me whispering all
and nothing
as the hours pass so quickly
and time stands still
the echoes of Us
remain
I lay to dream
I suffocate on the impression glazed upon my walls
I close my eyes only to see your heart beating red
pulsating the intentions of a criminal
You thief
Sitting in your chair
oblivious to the words I scream
without a voice
my face filled with the geniune sorrow
of lost impressions
forgotten memories
tattooed conversations
bad recordings of heartfelt tender moments
tossed to the gutter of your past
soon to be washed away with new
His kiss will be fresh
his skin taste so differently
he will touch me in ways you didnt
he wont know how to appease my soul
not like you
he will be second fiddle
like you were second nature
I touch your invisible cheek
kiss away invisible tears
read invisible letters
until the reality strikes me in the face
and I am cold
shut off
the walls slowly layering themselves
like the leaves that scatter the ground at winter time
creating layers upon layers of distant moments
soon to be forgotten
soon to be lost
The dream remains
you lying there
me whispering all
and nothing
as the hours pass so quickly
and time stands still
the echoes of Us
remain
Friday, June 11, 2010
Coach! I still got it.
yes, I swam today and YES! he talked to me!!! he started up a convo about how im getting faster and then asked if im still training for my triathlon...meaning he's listened to my convo's from the past with someone else at the pool... he smild at me with the cutest smile EVER... I just melt around this guy. We were talking about my triathlon coming up in Sept and he said he cant run anymore unfortunately... I told him I tend to try and pace myself to him... which actually works for me... pushes me harder... we joked and I told him I walked 1/2 the run but he said good for me for even attempting and then for finishing! I want to just grab him by his buttcheeks and kiss him! Hes so adorable!
anyhow, its amazing how things happen. Ive been so down as of late that its a good thing for him to talk tome...I needed that :)
In other news, I just got off the phone with DC and he was telling me that hes seriously considering moving here..to the west coast to start fresh and that the only time hes been happy in the 6 months is when I was in DC visiting and when he was here visiting me... and that hes sick of living for his job and he wants a life...
He just has guilt about leaving his mom... and knows his sister is going to be an issue. I dont want to persuade him. I need him to make this decision on his own. Its hard not to tel him to just MOVE here because we have so much fun together.... I have told him in the last few days that I misssed having him around... and he said he didnt sleep last night trying to figure out what the right thing is. All I could say to him was that if he feels the time is NOW to make a life change then he needs to listen to that voice and follow it.
I just dont want him to do things for the wrong reasons... it needs to be for the right ones. Im trying to hold back from persuading him... yet, let him know I would love if he did. he's probably not going to come to Reno now b'c hes been taking alot of time off from work and the tix are really expensive... and thats ok...im sad of course... I told him to quit his job before that and just MOVE! heehee...and then said I was kidding but...kinda thought it was funny....
I dont know. Its hard because we havent had any physical ...anything... and that concerns me.... what if it was just a nightmare? the sex? i mean...what if we are TOTALLY not physically compatible? or hes impotent or some shit? what a horrible thing to say but...HULLO!!
Coming off an amazing love affair for 2 years where the sex and intimacy was amazing... that would be a hard pill to swollow...... hmmm....
anyhow....Coach. I should seduce him.
I think now that the ice has broken...it might be time....shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............dont tell.
anyhow, its amazing how things happen. Ive been so down as of late that its a good thing for him to talk tome...I needed that :)
In other news, I just got off the phone with DC and he was telling me that hes seriously considering moving here..to the west coast to start fresh and that the only time hes been happy in the 6 months is when I was in DC visiting and when he was here visiting me... and that hes sick of living for his job and he wants a life...
He just has guilt about leaving his mom... and knows his sister is going to be an issue. I dont want to persuade him. I need him to make this decision on his own. Its hard not to tel him to just MOVE here because we have so much fun together.... I have told him in the last few days that I misssed having him around... and he said he didnt sleep last night trying to figure out what the right thing is. All I could say to him was that if he feels the time is NOW to make a life change then he needs to listen to that voice and follow it.
I just dont want him to do things for the wrong reasons... it needs to be for the right ones. Im trying to hold back from persuading him... yet, let him know I would love if he did. he's probably not going to come to Reno now b'c hes been taking alot of time off from work and the tix are really expensive... and thats ok...im sad of course... I told him to quit his job before that and just MOVE! heehee...and then said I was kidding but...kinda thought it was funny....
I dont know. Its hard because we havent had any physical ...anything... and that concerns me.... what if it was just a nightmare? the sex? i mean...what if we are TOTALLY not physically compatible? or hes impotent or some shit? what a horrible thing to say but...HULLO!!
Coming off an amazing love affair for 2 years where the sex and intimacy was amazing... that would be a hard pill to swollow...... hmmm....
anyhow....Coach. I should seduce him.
I think now that the ice has broken...it might be time....shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............dont tell.
Im struggling today
My heart hurts. My head hurts. I feel really lonely and part of that is knowing you arent around and in my world anymore. Im angry with you. Im angry with myself. For being so very hoenst with you about certain things. With thinking you could handle it because of our situation as it stands. Not really thinking about how you might take the info; not like its not fair though. You know, with these circumstances and all. I have had to deal with the knowledge since day one. You have always known when im dating but i dont think you were ever ready for me to say I might have met someone worthy of my time... a "threesome of sorts" you called it.
Funny, I thought we have been living that way for 2 years anyway... Perception is everything I suppose.
I cant even find it in me to want to swim. Im just straight up SAD, M. guess I need to date again.... or call up one of the booty call boys to help this feeling disappate a lil' bit. The rejection is just mindblowing...
I dont know. its like I cant breathe at the thought of you never laughing with me again... or sharing our days with each other. Just being stupid together...
You are right. You arent that man. You started out as that man but somewhere along the road, you changed the rules... the destination. Or wait..perhaps it was you coming clean about the situation? oh yes... the TRUTH changed the path and destination. Thats right!
I guess if the SHOE fits, eh? Seems to...quite comfortably. Good. im happy for you.
Im happy that you are content in your decision to end this. Good Idea. Well played.
now you can focus on getting readjusted to those Shoes again. As wonderful as they are.
Ugh. why do I even bother?
probably becuase i love you.....
it will be the death of me.
Funny, I thought we have been living that way for 2 years anyway... Perception is everything I suppose.
I cant even find it in me to want to swim. Im just straight up SAD, M. guess I need to date again.... or call up one of the booty call boys to help this feeling disappate a lil' bit. The rejection is just mindblowing...
I dont know. its like I cant breathe at the thought of you never laughing with me again... or sharing our days with each other. Just being stupid together...
You are right. You arent that man. You started out as that man but somewhere along the road, you changed the rules... the destination. Or wait..perhaps it was you coming clean about the situation? oh yes... the TRUTH changed the path and destination. Thats right!
I guess if the SHOE fits, eh? Seems to...quite comfortably. Good. im happy for you.
Im happy that you are content in your decision to end this. Good Idea. Well played.
now you can focus on getting readjusted to those Shoes again. As wonderful as they are.
Ugh. why do I even bother?
probably becuase i love you.....
it will be the death of me.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
DEATH BY FLOOD
Ok, I know this is the PNW but come on now. Its June. and not Nevada and monsoon season! I thought I might literally meet my maker this afternoonn on the I5 outside of Marysville. Honestly, it was the worst rain I have driven in since Ive been back to this region. the freeway was flooded with 2 inches of water and everyone slowed down to about 15 mph. At least there were no major accidents!! It did take me 2 hours to get home. that part sucked AND my gas light was going on..then off...then on....i was on empty then I had a 1/4 tank it was driving me fucking nuts! Unfortunately, where I was there was no exit that had a gas station close by... ugh.
I went up to celebrate my cousin's 40th. I got her balloons and a GlassyBaby.com very cool hand blown glass votives that are beautiful. She has wanted one for 2 years and I figured that i had a bit of extra cash so I would splurge on her. I figured I would pay it forward since DC did so much nice stuff for me in Vancouver.. it only seemed the natural thing to do!
She loved it! We hung out at her house for a bit and then headed down to the casino to have lunch and gamble a bit. I spent $10 bucks...I had started with 50 to play but came out close to even which is nice. Someday I will hit it big dammit!
We then headed to the Seattle outlets and I spent the money I saved from the casno on a really cute windbreaker to wear while I bike ride from Eddie Bauer. Its a melon color and so cute!
I bought my bike trainer online tonight. The site was having an additional 20% today only so I busted out and it came to $99 with shipping! not bad for a trainer that oringially cost $180 and was on sale for $89 then an additional 20%...i love a good bargin! this will help me train on my bike when im feeling to lazy to hit the gym or load on my bike. Tomorrow I will swim and then I have a hair appt at 1pm/ Im excited...im ready to cut off about 3 inches!! Its just scraggly right now...it gets to a piont of being TOO long. I dont care if its a fantasy for some guys. Get over it!
I havent heard a peep from Loveasaurus. I even posted a few times on Missed Connections and nothing. *sigh*. Maybe this is REALLY good bye. this makes me sad but I cant really force him to talk to me if he doesnt want to. I guess its his loss. Our friendship was important to me but it seems not as important to him. Sad that he could shut me out with such ease. a few nice words and BAM! Gone. Out of my hands...
this weekend is suppose to be nice! I think Ill bring Vodka to the party and the watermellon red onion salad...yum yum bubble gum! She has an amazing rooftop deck thats about 20 stories up with a view of the city and the sound... sould be a good time :)
anyhow. Im tired and I want more thunder and lightening! We actually had a funnel cloud touch down in a subburb today! Um..funnel makes me want FUNNEL CAKE! ha! I had a salad and a greek yogurt but im still hungry! I hate that.
ok....off to snuggle in the comfy clean sheets... till later then...
I went up to celebrate my cousin's 40th. I got her balloons and a GlassyBaby.com very cool hand blown glass votives that are beautiful. She has wanted one for 2 years and I figured that i had a bit of extra cash so I would splurge on her. I figured I would pay it forward since DC did so much nice stuff for me in Vancouver.. it only seemed the natural thing to do!
She loved it! We hung out at her house for a bit and then headed down to the casino to have lunch and gamble a bit. I spent $10 bucks...I had started with 50 to play but came out close to even which is nice. Someday I will hit it big dammit!
We then headed to the Seattle outlets and I spent the money I saved from the casno on a really cute windbreaker to wear while I bike ride from Eddie Bauer. Its a melon color and so cute!
I bought my bike trainer online tonight. The site was having an additional 20% today only so I busted out and it came to $99 with shipping! not bad for a trainer that oringially cost $180 and was on sale for $89 then an additional 20%...i love a good bargin! this will help me train on my bike when im feeling to lazy to hit the gym or load on my bike. Tomorrow I will swim and then I have a hair appt at 1pm/ Im excited...im ready to cut off about 3 inches!! Its just scraggly right now...it gets to a piont of being TOO long. I dont care if its a fantasy for some guys. Get over it!
I havent heard a peep from Loveasaurus. I even posted a few times on Missed Connections and nothing. *sigh*. Maybe this is REALLY good bye. this makes me sad but I cant really force him to talk to me if he doesnt want to. I guess its his loss. Our friendship was important to me but it seems not as important to him. Sad that he could shut me out with such ease. a few nice words and BAM! Gone. Out of my hands...
this weekend is suppose to be nice! I think Ill bring Vodka to the party and the watermellon red onion salad...yum yum bubble gum! She has an amazing rooftop deck thats about 20 stories up with a view of the city and the sound... sould be a good time :)
anyhow. Im tired and I want more thunder and lightening! We actually had a funnel cloud touch down in a subburb today! Um..funnel makes me want FUNNEL CAKE! ha! I had a salad and a greek yogurt but im still hungry! I hate that.
ok....off to snuggle in the comfy clean sheets... till later then...
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
PARTIES PARTIES AND more...
Not sure why im writing so much but apparently I have much to say!
If the coffee would just let me stay seated for more than 10 minutes! whew! I dont really have any big trips planned for this summer. I have been invited to 2 parties thus far and I will be having a party around my 38th birthday this summer. The annual D-Day party. This will be the 3rd year. This weekend, I will be going for a lake swim with Pam to do a 30 minute workout. I get to wear my wetsuit again! I need to practice swimming in open water because the alge and non-clear waters sort of freaked me out during my triathlon. This is a weak link in my Triathlon training/race... Pam rocks because she has no fear and allows me to push my boundries and have someone to do it with. Otherwise, I wouldnt do it alone. After the swim, I have a rooftop party to attend for my friend's moving out...always a hoot with her and her friends... I love having a bunch of different groups of friends. Each is so very different its amazing! Sunday I will do...whatever.
The following weekend is a housewarming party out in Maple Leaf for a friend that just moved into a new house. Always an opportunity to meet new people! Love that! Im all about meeting new people and networking..one never knows who will be at parties where you really dont know many folks. I do well in these situations. I guess my agile personality likes to bounce around a room :)
I dont have plans for 4th of july other than to watch a friend's dog for the weekend but the following weekend I do believe DC will be flying into Reno and we will be hanging out with my family at my Dad's house. I really want to go someplace like Mexico but Im not working and its getting late to be saving money for a trip. Ill just play it by ear...
I have been contimplating getting back on the dating site. I know that things with DC could get serious but at the same time, there is nothing set in stone and I want to keep my options open. Since Im not working righ tnow, dating and training are good distractions. I miss having DC around becuase we have so much fun together adn its great to have a companion to do things with. Im just not sure about romantically...what I want with him. its odd. Who knows what it will be like when we actually become intimate. I dont have alot of physical chemistry that just lurches out and wants to rape him...not liek with Loveasaurus or Chip. Im just letting nature take its course.
lToday I plan to go swim and then head out to the mall to buy a gift for my cousin and then out to Alki to ride my bike about 10 miles. Its a pretty flat course and with the wind whipping off the water, it provides good resistance. tomorrow is my cousin's 40th birthday so I am getting her one of her favorite candle votives GlassyBaby. She is really strapped financially and she loves these things. I dont even know if she HAS one so I figured Id get her one. Im also going to grab some balloons and then we are going to the Tualip casino for lunch and to waste a bunch of pennies for a few hours...just hang out. She is more like my sister than anything else.
I am gonig to send Navy Diver an email and see whats up... maybe he can come out next week for the day. He sometimes gets comp time if hes been travelling and I know hes been in alaska doing some work. I need a good hot 'rag doll' session I think. Im a bit pent up. Hes not as good a lover as Loveasuarus because hes not all that gentle and seems to get carried away really quickly! I tend to like things to be drawn out and slow ...hours upon hours of just sensual play... I guess its time to train him a bit. I liked Loveasuarus cuz I didnt have to DO all that with him. he already was that way. I will miss that aspect of our lovemaking. The gentle tenderness coupled with the raw sensual desire that got rough within its boundries... I always trusted enough with him to allow that aspect... oh well. his loss.
at any rate, its time to get ready for swimming and then off to the mall to shop!
gonna be a great day!
If the coffee would just let me stay seated for more than 10 minutes! whew! I dont really have any big trips planned for this summer. I have been invited to 2 parties thus far and I will be having a party around my 38th birthday this summer. The annual D-Day party. This will be the 3rd year. This weekend, I will be going for a lake swim with Pam to do a 30 minute workout. I get to wear my wetsuit again! I need to practice swimming in open water because the alge and non-clear waters sort of freaked me out during my triathlon. This is a weak link in my Triathlon training/race... Pam rocks because she has no fear and allows me to push my boundries and have someone to do it with. Otherwise, I wouldnt do it alone. After the swim, I have a rooftop party to attend for my friend's moving out...always a hoot with her and her friends... I love having a bunch of different groups of friends. Each is so very different its amazing! Sunday I will do...whatever.
The following weekend is a housewarming party out in Maple Leaf for a friend that just moved into a new house. Always an opportunity to meet new people! Love that! Im all about meeting new people and networking..one never knows who will be at parties where you really dont know many folks. I do well in these situations. I guess my agile personality likes to bounce around a room :)
I dont have plans for 4th of july other than to watch a friend's dog for the weekend but the following weekend I do believe DC will be flying into Reno and we will be hanging out with my family at my Dad's house. I really want to go someplace like Mexico but Im not working and its getting late to be saving money for a trip. Ill just play it by ear...
I have been contimplating getting back on the dating site. I know that things with DC could get serious but at the same time, there is nothing set in stone and I want to keep my options open. Since Im not working righ tnow, dating and training are good distractions. I miss having DC around becuase we have so much fun together adn its great to have a companion to do things with. Im just not sure about romantically...what I want with him. its odd. Who knows what it will be like when we actually become intimate. I dont have alot of physical chemistry that just lurches out and wants to rape him...not liek with Loveasaurus or Chip. Im just letting nature take its course.
lToday I plan to go swim and then head out to the mall to buy a gift for my cousin and then out to Alki to ride my bike about 10 miles. Its a pretty flat course and with the wind whipping off the water, it provides good resistance. tomorrow is my cousin's 40th birthday so I am getting her one of her favorite candle votives GlassyBaby. She is really strapped financially and she loves these things. I dont even know if she HAS one so I figured Id get her one. Im also going to grab some balloons and then we are going to the Tualip casino for lunch and to waste a bunch of pennies for a few hours...just hang out. She is more like my sister than anything else.
I am gonig to send Navy Diver an email and see whats up... maybe he can come out next week for the day. He sometimes gets comp time if hes been travelling and I know hes been in alaska doing some work. I need a good hot 'rag doll' session I think. Im a bit pent up. Hes not as good a lover as Loveasuarus because hes not all that gentle and seems to get carried away really quickly! I tend to like things to be drawn out and slow ...hours upon hours of just sensual play... I guess its time to train him a bit. I liked Loveasuarus cuz I didnt have to DO all that with him. he already was that way. I will miss that aspect of our lovemaking. The gentle tenderness coupled with the raw sensual desire that got rough within its boundries... I always trusted enough with him to allow that aspect... oh well. his loss.
at any rate, its time to get ready for swimming and then off to the mall to shop!
gonna be a great day!
3:33AM
Thats exactly when I awoke. That is a significant number to many. I see it often. Last night was a rough night of sleep. I guess all the emotional stuff left me restless. probably didnt help taht I loaded up on caffeine all night. I must be fighting some sort of bug b'c I have a few cankersores in my mouth. Gross I know but always a sign that my body is struggling. I swam yesterday and didnt do much else until later when I had to drive to Madison park to drop off my rent. Ventured to Target but I felt all the lust for life was sort of sucked out of my body yesterday . Been a really long time since Ive felt that way. I hope he's happy with his decision to just disgard our friendship like some old sweater he didnt want anymore. This time around, I wont forgive him for it. Ive always been understanding and caring and forgiving in the long term run of Us... this time... he did what I asked him NOT to do... what he promised he wouldnt do... he DID. Im tired of being so fucking understanding with his secrets and issues and life.
DC asked me what was wrong last night. At first, I didnt want to tell him but I dont/cant lie very well and so... he got it out of me. I gave him the abridged version. He told me he was glad that I told him... and that he said he felt like he has always jerked me around. He doesnt know much about Loveasaurus other than we slept together for a long time and were always really great friends. He was really understanding about it but said it was probably for the best. It still was wierd to talk to DC about it. I tried to avoid it for awhile during the conversatino but he eventually got it out of me...
So, Last nite i just laid in bed for like 2 hours. Trying to fall back to sleep. My mind whirling. My heart pounding. I could of swore that my dad was in the room with me. I was feeling so alone and having a sense of abondonment as I lay there. It seems that Loveasuarus did exactly what i knew he would. He left. He abondoned our friendship selfishly. He made a comment that he needed to heal... from WHAT?! Loving me? knowing me? as if it was a horrible thing. knowing me. How do you care about someoen and just disgard them from your life?
I guess I dont roll that way. I never have. I never will. I dont treat people like disposable items. Apparently he does. Im just another girl he ran across... just another girl he didnt want to be in his life anymore.
I wont be treated that way.
so this is the last entry with any reference to him. You teach people how to treat you. And, in case you read this...
You have lost my friendship. Your action of closing your acct was hurtful. Like you knew it would be. You purposefully did it to hurt me. It was cruel and mean. It doesnt make you a man in my book. it makes you a coward.
Im out.
DC asked me what was wrong last night. At first, I didnt want to tell him but I dont/cant lie very well and so... he got it out of me. I gave him the abridged version. He told me he was glad that I told him... and that he said he felt like he has always jerked me around. He doesnt know much about Loveasaurus other than we slept together for a long time and were always really great friends. He was really understanding about it but said it was probably for the best. It still was wierd to talk to DC about it. I tried to avoid it for awhile during the conversatino but he eventually got it out of me...
So, Last nite i just laid in bed for like 2 hours. Trying to fall back to sleep. My mind whirling. My heart pounding. I could of swore that my dad was in the room with me. I was feeling so alone and having a sense of abondonment as I lay there. It seems that Loveasuarus did exactly what i knew he would. He left. He abondoned our friendship selfishly. He made a comment that he needed to heal... from WHAT?! Loving me? knowing me? as if it was a horrible thing. knowing me. How do you care about someoen and just disgard them from your life?
I guess I dont roll that way. I never have. I never will. I dont treat people like disposable items. Apparently he does. Im just another girl he ran across... just another girl he didnt want to be in his life anymore.
I wont be treated that way.
so this is the last entry with any reference to him. You teach people how to treat you. And, in case you read this...
You have lost my friendship. Your action of closing your acct was hurtful. Like you knew it would be. You purposefully did it to hurt me. It was cruel and mean. It doesnt make you a man in my book. it makes you a coward.
Im out.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Wasted Day
What a wasted day. Even the battery on my lap top is about to die. Seems the status quo today. I got up. swam.Paid my power bill. ate.slept for 4 hours. woke up. took Zen for a walk. and here I am. Somber.
I have to go drop off my rent downtown tonight because Im 2 days late. Ugh. really NOT in the mood to drive anyplace but... has to be done.
I am meloncoly. I am sad. I feel a bit lost. Ive lost a few things that are important to me and Im dealing. Im pondering going back on the dating site. I need a little pick-me-up. Not feeling all that attractive or a 'catch'. LOL. thats funny I suppose. Who knows whats going on with DC. Everything is gray to me at this very moment. perhaps I will drive to the coast thursday and camp. Saturday is a party ive already RSVP'd to.
I think I will call Navy Diver. I really need to get laid and hes safe. yes, i think i will email him tonight. I need to drown my sorrows in the arms of a big strong man... no attachment needed!
Rag Doll. Yes... boy! is he gonna be the lucky recepiant of some built up frustration!
Yum!
I have to go drop off my rent downtown tonight because Im 2 days late. Ugh. really NOT in the mood to drive anyplace but... has to be done.
I am meloncoly. I am sad. I feel a bit lost. Ive lost a few things that are important to me and Im dealing. Im pondering going back on the dating site. I need a little pick-me-up. Not feeling all that attractive or a 'catch'. LOL. thats funny I suppose. Who knows whats going on with DC. Everything is gray to me at this very moment. perhaps I will drive to the coast thursday and camp. Saturday is a party ive already RSVP'd to.
I think I will call Navy Diver. I really need to get laid and hes safe. yes, i think i will email him tonight. I need to drown my sorrows in the arms of a big strong man... no attachment needed!
Rag Doll. Yes... boy! is he gonna be the lucky recepiant of some built up frustration!
Yum!
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Moving up the Ranks
Ah, yes... another weekend has passed by and here I sit. Close to 7pm and relaxed, reflective and just plain mindful. Do you ever have that sensation that something is going to happen? Like there is something Great on the cusp of tomorrow or even the next day? Perhaps what im feeling is a sense of release and more importantly, relief. There is a sense of uncertainity, fear and calm that travel up and down my body at a constant rate; sort of like electrical currents. Sometiems my toes curl like the best orgasm ever and other times, the tears roll down my cheeks and the feeling overwhelms me. I sound manic. This happened today as I watched the movie, 'WE ARE FINE'. I think that was the name. With Robert DeNiro as the dad and Drew Barrymore etc. It made me miss my dad. Sometimes you have to breathe and cleanse and it comes from nowhere and everwhere in a moment's notice. There i was: eating my spicy panang curry and it was just streaming like a river; like it was yesterday.
I spent the weekend on Bainbridge. One of my dearest friends Vanessa lives there adn I definitely dont get over there enough. She has decided to do the Tri with me in Sept so she asked me to go with her and try her local lap pool...help her with her stroke and just get started. Of course, I said yes and Zen and I headed over on the 930am Ferry Saturday morning. I have to tell you that I love taking ferries. Driving my car on and just being on the water. water is my solace and everytime im around/in/on it.. I find a calm washes over me. Even on a ferry. What was funny was that I got on the early ferry but was planning on the 1030am one. I thought it would be a bit early to hit Vanessa's so when I landed at 10am on the island I told her I was on the 1030 ferry anyhow. It gave me sometime to drive around and explore. Zen was very excited .. she gets this way when she knows we are going on a new adventure. I was able to drive around for about 25 minutes dreaming of living on that island in one of the romantic big houses or small cottages on an acre...with gorgeous gardens and lawn for miles... sometimes I feel a bit robbed of things. Like that is my calling. To live someplace quaint and have a garden and a vegetable garden a few dogs and 2 lil' ones running around... I actually got sort of sad... and envious of those that have all that. its just me and my dog...driving.... dreaming.... wanting....
She was really anxious to get out of the car and I still had 30 min to go so I decided to go up to the high school down the street from Van's house and let her run on the lawn. Um. BIG FAT MISTAKE!! There was another black lab w/ a man and his two sons. he was from the bay as well and really ruggedly handsome...his sons were so cute and we were chatting as our dogs played... He was kinda my type.. a family man... friendly and down to earth.... I wasnt paying much attention to Zen or his pup until he burst into laughter and I turned around to see what he was laughing at. I should of known. ZEN.
I sometimes think I have MARLEY when it comes to my yellow lab. She had found an OLD DEEP mud puddle and was proceeding to roll around like a pig and cover her entire body in smelly detrious MUD. her face and everything was BLACK. I had tears rolling down my face as did the guy i was talking to. His dog hadnt committed to the puddle was eventually he DID take a 'dip' and did the same thing!!
I was slightly freaked out because i had to goto vanessa's house. I had NO hose....no way to wash her dead smelling body off. The guy felt so bad for me and offered to take her to his house but he was late getting his kids to soccer practice... I thanked him for his concern and tried to dry off as much of the mud as I could. I even emptied every water bottle I had on her. now the smell was something else ENTIRELY. um. it smelled like rotting human flesh. Dead animals, rotting food and shit. I was trying not to vomit while I toweled her off and I didnt know what the hell to do... So, iloaded her into the back seat and decided to drive to the gas station...I had to pee so bad and i figured they probably had water there. I had no way to get down to the sound to let her go swimming so this was my only option.
I pulled into the Chevron and it was a blessing from God. They were having a church car wash. I walked over and asked instead of my car if they would wash my dog for $5 bucks. they totally laughed and I brought her black, smelly self over to the kids...one scrubbed her with the lamb's wool mit while the other sprayed her. They were laughing and having so much fun...I was personally mortified I had sunk to this level. My life is a novel at times!
People that were getting gas were laughing hysterically at this sight. I was slpattered with mud droplets from Zen shaking on me, soaked from the hose and I smelled from the stench; as did my car. I couldnt ride in the car without all the windows down. I kept gagging. Of course, Zen loved it! She was happier than a pig in Shit....Literally!
We got to vanessa's house and I called her on her cell and told her we had a bit of a 'problem'. By the time the carwash was over she was pretty much back to yellow but th stench was rancid still. V said we should take her over to her dad's house on the beach and let her swim in te salt water... that was teh plan. We loaded zen back into the car and off we went. She played fetch for about an hour and then we gave her a bath with Frutise shampoo on Vanessa's dads front lawn...this gorgeious cape cod style home...suds over taking the lawn, an obnxious lab and 2 soaked gurls trying to wash the dog...a scene to be sure!
we got her pretty clean and headed back to V's for drinks. God knows we needed them. We had a drink and then headed to the pool... she got into the water and we worked on her stroke and comfort level in the pool ... then, headed back for more drinks. We were a bit bored so we decided to head out to the casino. We had another drink there, I played some GREAT WALL game and won $11 bucks!! or, rather...came out 11 bucks ahead... we headed back after about an hour, bbq'd a great salmon, ate and watched a movie. Like a bunch of old people, we hit the bed at 930pm...saturnday nite. LOL...
I left Sunday morning around 930 to get home and proceeded to fall into a coma for 4 hours. Ordered in some Thai and watched the movie.... and now, here I sit.
DC is planning on flying into Reno in July for our yearly family weekend. he's never been to Nevada. This outta be interesting! Its so wierd because I dont know if we are officially dating? still 'friends'? I have no idea. Of course, we havent slept together so I really dont consider us anything BUT friends at this moment. We kissed and whatever but hell, ive kissed guys on dates and never seen them again!
its time to do some laundry... wash away the weekend and curl up and check out some tv...
oh yea. TOMORROW?? Swimming is BACK ON! COACH, here I come! er, Cum...
I spent the weekend on Bainbridge. One of my dearest friends Vanessa lives there adn I definitely dont get over there enough. She has decided to do the Tri with me in Sept so she asked me to go with her and try her local lap pool...help her with her stroke and just get started. Of course, I said yes and Zen and I headed over on the 930am Ferry Saturday morning. I have to tell you that I love taking ferries. Driving my car on and just being on the water. water is my solace and everytime im around/in/on it.. I find a calm washes over me. Even on a ferry. What was funny was that I got on the early ferry but was planning on the 1030am one. I thought it would be a bit early to hit Vanessa's so when I landed at 10am on the island I told her I was on the 1030 ferry anyhow. It gave me sometime to drive around and explore. Zen was very excited .. she gets this way when she knows we are going on a new adventure. I was able to drive around for about 25 minutes dreaming of living on that island in one of the romantic big houses or small cottages on an acre...with gorgeous gardens and lawn for miles... sometimes I feel a bit robbed of things. Like that is my calling. To live someplace quaint and have a garden and a vegetable garden a few dogs and 2 lil' ones running around... I actually got sort of sad... and envious of those that have all that. its just me and my dog...driving.... dreaming.... wanting....
She was really anxious to get out of the car and I still had 30 min to go so I decided to go up to the high school down the street from Van's house and let her run on the lawn. Um. BIG FAT MISTAKE!! There was another black lab w/ a man and his two sons. he was from the bay as well and really ruggedly handsome...his sons were so cute and we were chatting as our dogs played... He was kinda my type.. a family man... friendly and down to earth.... I wasnt paying much attention to Zen or his pup until he burst into laughter and I turned around to see what he was laughing at. I should of known. ZEN.
I sometimes think I have MARLEY when it comes to my yellow lab. She had found an OLD DEEP mud puddle and was proceeding to roll around like a pig and cover her entire body in smelly detrious MUD. her face and everything was BLACK. I had tears rolling down my face as did the guy i was talking to. His dog hadnt committed to the puddle was eventually he DID take a 'dip' and did the same thing!!
I was slightly freaked out because i had to goto vanessa's house. I had NO hose....no way to wash her dead smelling body off. The guy felt so bad for me and offered to take her to his house but he was late getting his kids to soccer practice... I thanked him for his concern and tried to dry off as much of the mud as I could. I even emptied every water bottle I had on her. now the smell was something else ENTIRELY. um. it smelled like rotting human flesh. Dead animals, rotting food and shit. I was trying not to vomit while I toweled her off and I didnt know what the hell to do... So, iloaded her into the back seat and decided to drive to the gas station...I had to pee so bad and i figured they probably had water there. I had no way to get down to the sound to let her go swimming so this was my only option.
I pulled into the Chevron and it was a blessing from God. They were having a church car wash. I walked over and asked instead of my car if they would wash my dog for $5 bucks. they totally laughed and I brought her black, smelly self over to the kids...one scrubbed her with the lamb's wool mit while the other sprayed her. They were laughing and having so much fun...I was personally mortified I had sunk to this level. My life is a novel at times!
People that were getting gas were laughing hysterically at this sight. I was slpattered with mud droplets from Zen shaking on me, soaked from the hose and I smelled from the stench; as did my car. I couldnt ride in the car without all the windows down. I kept gagging. Of course, Zen loved it! She was happier than a pig in Shit....Literally!
We got to vanessa's house and I called her on her cell and told her we had a bit of a 'problem'. By the time the carwash was over she was pretty much back to yellow but th stench was rancid still. V said we should take her over to her dad's house on the beach and let her swim in te salt water... that was teh plan. We loaded zen back into the car and off we went. She played fetch for about an hour and then we gave her a bath with Frutise shampoo on Vanessa's dads front lawn...this gorgeious cape cod style home...suds over taking the lawn, an obnxious lab and 2 soaked gurls trying to wash the dog...a scene to be sure!
we got her pretty clean and headed back to V's for drinks. God knows we needed them. We had a drink and then headed to the pool... she got into the water and we worked on her stroke and comfort level in the pool ... then, headed back for more drinks. We were a bit bored so we decided to head out to the casino. We had another drink there, I played some GREAT WALL game and won $11 bucks!! or, rather...came out 11 bucks ahead... we headed back after about an hour, bbq'd a great salmon, ate and watched a movie. Like a bunch of old people, we hit the bed at 930pm...saturnday nite. LOL...
I left Sunday morning around 930 to get home and proceeded to fall into a coma for 4 hours. Ordered in some Thai and watched the movie.... and now, here I sit.
DC is planning on flying into Reno in July for our yearly family weekend. he's never been to Nevada. This outta be interesting! Its so wierd because I dont know if we are officially dating? still 'friends'? I have no idea. Of course, we havent slept together so I really dont consider us anything BUT friends at this moment. We kissed and whatever but hell, ive kissed guys on dates and never seen them again!
its time to do some laundry... wash away the weekend and curl up and check out some tv...
oh yea. TOMORROW?? Swimming is BACK ON! COACH, here I come! er, Cum...
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Vancouver BC part 2
We spent Saturday and Sunday night at the FAIRMONT PACIFIC RIM ... amazing is all I have to say about *That*. We headed out around 10am after loading up the car with our crap and Zen dogger. DC and I pack WAY too much crap. I think he might be a girl. The drive took 2.5 hours with an additional 40 minutes at the Canadian/USA border crossing. The Canadian border patrol dude frightened the shit out of me. I will say this now. He would talk to Zen all the while keeping his eye on me. He asked a bunch of questions and then let us go. I didnt have any reason to BE nervous but they somehow make you that way. I cant imagine what you seem like if you HAVE a reason to be nervous. Fuck.
DC had never been to Canada so he was like a little kid. I have no idea about the Metric system so luckily he lived in Europe for a year and understood (slightly) about the conversion. I would also like to thank Honda for putting Kilometers on the Spedometer. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure i would probably be sitting in jail for speeding. Canadians drive slow.
We drove into Vancouver and of course we were laughing and cracking jokes the whole entire time. We have the EXACT same sense of humor so we just play off of each other nonstop. Im sure it would drive someone nuts...although, we ARE quite funny. We located the hotel down on the Harbour and we both were having anxiety about Zen dog. He had called and the reservation agent said that her 96lbs of love wouldnt be a problem but ya never know. this WAS the Fairmont afterall. We had come up with a plan that if they gave us any shit, I would pull the "my uncle owns the Fairmont in *so and so city* and his father started the company/brand. We hoped it wouldnt get to that. I hate pulling out obnoxious labels to advance my cause.
I dropped him off and Zen and I waited in the car for him to check in. He came back out and said it was totally fine and that they only had VALET. Shit, I thought b'c my car was FULL of dog fur from the car ride. I mean, miserably so. I was mortified for the poor valet. Im sure during our stay they drew straws for whomever was going to get the car! We unloaded and headed inside. Zen was of course so excited she was drooling all over me and the marble flooring. We were upgraded (with great surprise) to the GOLD LEVEL. This is the 20th floor and above. The receptionist took us personally to our floor and I asked her about the dog thing. She said they get tons of large dogs... larger then Zen. Vancouver is known for its dog friendly nature and that people dont think twice when they see a dog strolling in a hotel there. *whew* we both thought instantaneously!
on the Gold Level, you get your own concierge, a lounge that serves breakfast, snacks and an amazing dessert bar/cocktail bar every evening... then, there is an AMAZING deck that over looks the harbour. Our room even had a DOORBELL!!! They had set up a dog bed and bowl for Zen and the first thing Zen did was jump into the bathtub! I think she tought it was a swimming pool it was so big!
We were settled in around 330pm and had some time to kill before we were meeting my friends for dinner so we decided to just chill until then. We were trying to figure out what to do with Zen when we went to dinner because we didnt want her to bark in fear of being left behind. DC went to talk to our 'personal' concierge about the dilemma. In doing so, we were told that they have pet sitters/nannies that they work with and they would arrange for one if we wanted. it was $60 bucks for 4 hours. We were sold! He was also told that we had a complimentry BMW 700 to take us wherever we wanted to go in the evenings. We arranged for that as well. Things were looking up!
The pet sitter arrived and she said she would walk Zen and we headed downstairs to catch our 'ride'. We went to a place called Serafir. Its a tapas resturant that was VERY good. This was the first time anyone was meeting DC. I will admit that i was a bit nervous because i wanted them to like him and vice versa. We had a GREAT dinner together and decided to goto China town for the 'art festival'. That was a total bust! My friend Gilbert will never live that down because it was basically 5 booths with a bunch of junk shit toys from China. ANd, it was pouring rain! We said our goodbyes and headed back to the Fairmont. We had decided to hit up the dessert bar/drinks on the roof top deck lounge and that was amazing! And very romantic. At this point, we still havent kissed or had sex... I thought to myself that TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT! I got a bit tipsy and we headed back to the room. We paid the sitter and Zen was a happy sleepin lab. We decided to put on our jammies and crawl into bed. We rented a movie on DEMAND and settled in.
NOTHING.
nada.
NOT A MOVE.
At this point, I was ok with whatever was going on. I was having such a fantastic time with DC that the physical aspect or lack there of didnt really bother me. It was like hanging out with my best friend. We ate in bed and laughed and watched a movie. It was actually alot of fun!
We both fell asleep and when I awoke in the morning, I headed out around 6am to walk Zen. I love getting up early when im on vacation. I think that the prime time to experience a city or whereever is when the tourists are still asleep. It was misty and just perfect outside. I bundled up and Zen and I ventured out to explore. Luckily, we were staying across from teh convention center and the harbour where there was an amazing path full of runners and walkers... and for Zen, tons of grass!
I walked for about 40 minutes and came back to the room. The funny part was that Zen was a celebrity! Other guests would whisper that they thought it so cool you could bring your dog and the bell hops and other staff would talk to HER and ignore me...it was amazing! I loved every minute of it.
I went back up to the room and decided to take a shower. In the meantime, DC awoke and went to the lounge and brought back eggs benedict and tons of muffins and bagels and champagne for me. I have to say that he is probably one of the most thoughtful men Ive ever dated. I dont ask for him to do certain things and he just instinctively does things.
While I was in the shower, he made a massage appt for me in the late afternoon and one for himself right after for SUnday. I told him he was crazy but he wouldnt hear of me NOT doing it. So, who am I to say no? I humbly accepted. Its been a really long time since someone spent money on me without blinking an eye. He did this stuff in NYC as well. He makes me feel cherished and cared for. Its nice.
We had decided to goto the Aqurium during the day on Sunday and we took Zen with us. We figured we would let her wait in teh car for a few hours while we went in. That worked out well! The aqurium was fun but we are so alike that we basically got bored at the same time and called it quits. We headed back to Zen and took her for a long walk thru the park.
Stanley Park. It reminds me of Golden Gate Park actually.
We made it back and I got ready for my massage. I had to get there a 1//2 hour earlier and we didnt know why. I checked in and she took me back.
The spa was AMAZING. Of course, would I expect anything LESS? I dont think so! I got undressed, threw on the robe, rubbed on the special mud mask they gave me and headed into the steam room where I sat buck naked. That was interesting. I had never done that before. It was just me and another hoyty toyty woman. WHen I was done in there, I headed into the special shower that had 20 shower heads and a rain shower head in the ceiling. OMG. Best shower EVER!!!
I washed my hair and put my robe on and headed into the lounge area and relaxed.
Thats when HE CALLED MY NAME. the adoness Jay.
I felt self conscious he was so hot. I dont mind being massaged by a man. I find them stronger and it seems so sensual to have a man rubbing your body. Usually they are gay but He was NOT!
I was a bit self conscioius when the towel was barely hiding my ass. He massaged my ass. It was nice. it was an hour massage and when I was done, I wanted to marry him!
What was funny was that DC had him right after I was done and they laughed about it apparently.
I was sitting ready waiting for him to get back and during his getting ready for dinner he approached me about the Sex aspect.. or lack there of.
I was sitting in the lounge chair reading a magazine and watching the boats in teh harbour when he said, "Can I ask you a personal question?"
I said of course.
He proceeded to talk about the antidepressants he is currently taking and how they affect Sex drive. I had told him in another conversation awhile back that they destroyed my sex drive while I was married and the lack of sex during that period was a huge issue. He said he was embarrassed to even be talking about this but felt it necessary because he knew I was probably wondering what the fuck was giong on. Here we were together in this 5 star hotel and he hadnt made a move to seduce me in any way. I told him that I had wondered, sure but that I just figured that there was no phyiscal attraction there for him. I was taking into acct that he had dated many Asian women in his past...and here I was, amazon white girl. Curvy and buxom.
He declared that he found me totally attractive and that wasnt it. he just didnt have much of a libido but that we could do other things... and that he wished that he could basically...'get it up' but the antidepressant was causing issues in that area... but he was up for doing other things. I have to admit I was a bit caught off guard. My friend said to me after I told her this that 'kissing me was going to be a gateway drug' and there was no way he would be able to hold back once that happened. I just assured him and didnt stress about it. By this point, I didnt really care a bout the sex aspect. Afterall, I took care of myself while he was having his massage. Girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!
We had settled on Sushi for dinner that evening and DC had the concierge set up our reservations. We grabbed a taxi this time becuase the BMW was booked. We had an amazing sushi dinner and a great conversation about past relationships and settling down. As I get to know him, I find him more and more attractive becuase he has a great perosnality and good heart.
We grabbed a cab back and headed once again to the dessert lounge where we laughed and drank for about an hour. I was a bit tipsy on Bailys and chocolate cake..
We stumbled and laughed back to the room, relieved the dog sitter and crawled into bed.
again, no kissing and i was so drunk that I ended up falling asleep.
We checked out on SUnday around noon and headed back to Seattle....he slept alot of the way and we just enjoyed the silence...
to be continued...
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
DC's Visit -PNW
I will break up this entry into 2 becuase we were here in Seattle and in Vancouver BC...
DC arrived Thursday night and I met him at baggage claim. It was a bit awkward at first and the hug was kinda stiff....I suppose when its only the 2nd time you have been with someone there is a bit of caution. As soon as we started talking however, it shifted into comfortable. It all seems a blur becauase we did SO much! We drove back to my house and it was raining (of Course) and we chatted about everything and nothing.... its just like seeing an old friend Ive known forever. We got home and I plopped in the enchiladas I made and we settled in to watch a movie. now, this is kinda funny because the movie was RUN BITCH RUN. I *MEANT* to get Run Fat boy Run but somehow I clicked on the wrong movie on Netflix. Um...it was like a soft core porn flick!!! I was MORTIFIED!! Now, just a reminder that DC and I havent been physically intimate..hell, we have never even made out... so, here we are... sitting on the sofa watching porn, basically and Im trying to make light of the entire situation...we just made fun of the movie and it eventually because the butt of the weekend.
he was exuasted having flown in from the East Coast so we headed to bed around 10. Awkward moment #2. Sleeping arrangements. I have a full guest bedroom and then my room. I wasnt sure where he wanted to sleep and he went adn laid on the guest bed so I told him that he was more than welcome to sleep in there but to just take off the cover sheet cuz zen sleeps on that....he thought it was my room. I clarified that my room was the other one and he immediately jumped up and went and crawled into my bed. This made me happy.
Of course, it was an evening of adjustment between he, Zen and Mickey the cat. All 4 of us wanted on the bed. Mickey slept on his head at one point, Zen sausaged between us and I was left with no room and hardly any covers. I laughed. now, there is something that kinda bothers me about DC. He used to Chew and now eats/chews Nicorette gum like its going out of style...Even in his sleep. YES. im not kidding. hes addicted to the stuff. Im not sure how he doesnt choke on it at night!
Friday we had reservations for the most Touristy thing you can do in Seattle: RIDE THE DUCK. Now, ive always wanted to do it and so it was the perfect excuse. Reservations were for 1pm so I made breakfast and we headed out. Notable point: No kissing or sex at this point. feels...FRIENDS.... We drove around the city for a bit and then located the loading parking lot and got on the tour. It lasted for 90 minutes and that was just perfect! I was fun because you actually load into the water after a tour of seattle and cruise around lake Union...very fun! We ended the tour and the Folk Life festival happened to be going on so we decided to go check it out. We walked around there and got food and just hung out. Eventually it started to pour and so we made our way back home. We had dinner reservations downtown but he was exhausted with Jet Lag and so we skipped going back down town and instead headed to Greek Food at my favorite local place...had great food there and eventually got home and crashed. again...no kissing...no sex.... we barely even touched. I didnt think about this aspect much until we would crawl into bed and I would wonder if he was going to make a move or not. Hell if I WAS going to. I couldnt get a read on him whatsoever.
Normally, when I date a guy or even if its just the 1st date....i can usually tell what the guy is feeling or if there is any sort of sexual attractoin there. I get NO READ whatsoever from DC. its the most bizarre thing. He did make a comment about my wedding ring and now refers to me with my maiden name...even in BC he hyphenated my married with my maiden name. LOL...i thought tht was cute. At any rate...nothing. He barely touched me. never tried to hold my hand... huh.
Saturday morning was Vancouver. this is where the fun begins!
DC arrived Thursday night and I met him at baggage claim. It was a bit awkward at first and the hug was kinda stiff....I suppose when its only the 2nd time you have been with someone there is a bit of caution. As soon as we started talking however, it shifted into comfortable. It all seems a blur becauase we did SO much! We drove back to my house and it was raining (of Course) and we chatted about everything and nothing.... its just like seeing an old friend Ive known forever. We got home and I plopped in the enchiladas I made and we settled in to watch a movie. now, this is kinda funny because the movie was RUN BITCH RUN. I *MEANT* to get Run Fat boy Run but somehow I clicked on the wrong movie on Netflix. Um...it was like a soft core porn flick!!! I was MORTIFIED!! Now, just a reminder that DC and I havent been physically intimate..hell, we have never even made out... so, here we are... sitting on the sofa watching porn, basically and Im trying to make light of the entire situation...we just made fun of the movie and it eventually because the butt of the weekend.
he was exuasted having flown in from the East Coast so we headed to bed around 10. Awkward moment #2. Sleeping arrangements. I have a full guest bedroom and then my room. I wasnt sure where he wanted to sleep and he went adn laid on the guest bed so I told him that he was more than welcome to sleep in there but to just take off the cover sheet cuz zen sleeps on that....he thought it was my room. I clarified that my room was the other one and he immediately jumped up and went and crawled into my bed. This made me happy.
Of course, it was an evening of adjustment between he, Zen and Mickey the cat. All 4 of us wanted on the bed. Mickey slept on his head at one point, Zen sausaged between us and I was left with no room and hardly any covers. I laughed. now, there is something that kinda bothers me about DC. He used to Chew and now eats/chews Nicorette gum like its going out of style...Even in his sleep. YES. im not kidding. hes addicted to the stuff. Im not sure how he doesnt choke on it at night!
Friday we had reservations for the most Touristy thing you can do in Seattle: RIDE THE DUCK. Now, ive always wanted to do it and so it was the perfect excuse. Reservations were for 1pm so I made breakfast and we headed out. Notable point: No kissing or sex at this point. feels...FRIENDS.... We drove around the city for a bit and then located the loading parking lot and got on the tour. It lasted for 90 minutes and that was just perfect! I was fun because you actually load into the water after a tour of seattle and cruise around lake Union...very fun! We ended the tour and the Folk Life festival happened to be going on so we decided to go check it out. We walked around there and got food and just hung out. Eventually it started to pour and so we made our way back home. We had dinner reservations downtown but he was exhausted with Jet Lag and so we skipped going back down town and instead headed to Greek Food at my favorite local place...had great food there and eventually got home and crashed. again...no kissing...no sex.... we barely even touched. I didnt think about this aspect much until we would crawl into bed and I would wonder if he was going to make a move or not. Hell if I WAS going to. I couldnt get a read on him whatsoever.
Normally, when I date a guy or even if its just the 1st date....i can usually tell what the guy is feeling or if there is any sort of sexual attractoin there. I get NO READ whatsoever from DC. its the most bizarre thing. He did make a comment about my wedding ring and now refers to me with my maiden name...even in BC he hyphenated my married with my maiden name. LOL...i thought tht was cute. At any rate...nothing. He barely touched me. never tried to hold my hand... huh.
Saturday morning was Vancouver. this is where the fun begins!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Drift
Im exhausted. It was a busy day at work with trying to get my projects to a 'take over' stage and with the long list of crap I had to get done before DC arrives Thursday nite... I havent even shaved my legs...or anything else for that matter. I feel like im a wreck. Im such a perfectionist when it comes to someone staying wtih me. I want things to be clean and cozy. Ammenties in the fridge, their favorite drink, snacks...etc. I made dinner for tomorrow night so when we get home from the airport I can just throw it in the oven. I got off work and couldnt stop yawning. In fact, im still yawning. I went to the bank and then to Starbucks @Target before I started my errands. I wanted to go shop a bit and find a few new items for Vancouver but I ran out of time. The last few nights I barely did any cleaning.
I finished my trip to Target...130 bucks later, a new top and some jewelry. I ran home, changed and fetched Zen for a car ride to the grocery store. I tried to make that as quick as possible and got everything I needed and ventured home to cook and finish cleaning. At this piont, im so exhausted that i think I will leave at 4pm tomorrow and finish up before he touches down at 615pm. Sheets and everything is clean I just need to vacuum and do some last minute crap. We will be here Thurs and Fri nites and Sat/Sun is Vancouver and then Back here on Monday. I wanted to goto Northwest Trek but i realized just now that we will be driving home from Vancouver Monday. That wont work. I suppose we will just lay low and then hit Saltys for dinner...He heads home on Tuesday afternoon.
In work news, its a great thing im friends with the HR person because she came and whispered in my ear that my boss told her that my last day would be June 3 or 4th. Huh. WHen I asked her Monday...she gave me some shit answer. I told her I didnt want to be surprised. I wonder if they dont do that shit to prevent people from sabotaging crap. Like I would do that but...its just fucked up. Shes dishonest but doesnt realize im friends with the HR lady so I have the inside scoop. She asked me today about jobs and work. I told her there were jobs out there and especially in Cali.... She was feeling me out. I honestly think she doesnt want to lose me and I have some sort of control in this situation I just dont know the level to which it exists. Huh.
I got this great email from Pam at work. She's my Triathlete friend and the Controller at my company. We actually hit it off pretty well and yesterday she sent me this email..:
"You are so great and you are a great writer! I love to read your e-mails… It is so funny to see this flip it person who is full of funny and sarcasms yet is VERY insightful and VERY down to earth… just makes you so great."
this was a very sweet thing to read. I love when I meet friends that GET IT. Simply. Like with Loveasuaraus. We see things very similarly when it comes to Sprituality and theory and philosophy and the like... I have that with Pam. its nice.
Im so tired right now...I need to sleep.
My love wrote me a short simple email today that had this wierd sad undertone. Something about hoping my wekeend goes well and turns into everything I hoped it would...or some such thing. One long sentence. It was almost...meloncoly. This is curious to me because part of me thinks he should know that I think about him falling asleep and being in love with another woman...everyday he wakes up with someone else and has a family with this person... as he puts it...there are many types of loves...
I wonder how he defines ours....
For now, Ill just drift with the words he spoke to me that replay in my head every once in awhile from that evening we shared. so for now,
Just Him. Just Love. Just Friends.Just Growth.
Always.
I finished my trip to Target...130 bucks later, a new top and some jewelry. I ran home, changed and fetched Zen for a car ride to the grocery store. I tried to make that as quick as possible and got everything I needed and ventured home to cook and finish cleaning. At this piont, im so exhausted that i think I will leave at 4pm tomorrow and finish up before he touches down at 615pm. Sheets and everything is clean I just need to vacuum and do some last minute crap. We will be here Thurs and Fri nites and Sat/Sun is Vancouver and then Back here on Monday. I wanted to goto Northwest Trek but i realized just now that we will be driving home from Vancouver Monday. That wont work. I suppose we will just lay low and then hit Saltys for dinner...He heads home on Tuesday afternoon.
In work news, its a great thing im friends with the HR person because she came and whispered in my ear that my boss told her that my last day would be June 3 or 4th. Huh. WHen I asked her Monday...she gave me some shit answer. I told her I didnt want to be surprised. I wonder if they dont do that shit to prevent people from sabotaging crap. Like I would do that but...its just fucked up. Shes dishonest but doesnt realize im friends with the HR lady so I have the inside scoop. She asked me today about jobs and work. I told her there were jobs out there and especially in Cali.... She was feeling me out. I honestly think she doesnt want to lose me and I have some sort of control in this situation I just dont know the level to which it exists. Huh.
I got this great email from Pam at work. She's my Triathlete friend and the Controller at my company. We actually hit it off pretty well and yesterday she sent me this email..:
"You are so great and you are a great writer! I love to read your e-mails… It is so funny to see this flip it person who is full of funny and sarcasms yet is VERY insightful and VERY down to earth… just makes you so great."
this was a very sweet thing to read. I love when I meet friends that GET IT. Simply. Like with Loveasuaraus. We see things very similarly when it comes to Sprituality and theory and philosophy and the like... I have that with Pam. its nice.
Im so tired right now...I need to sleep.
My love wrote me a short simple email today that had this wierd sad undertone. Something about hoping my wekeend goes well and turns into everything I hoped it would...or some such thing. One long sentence. It was almost...meloncoly. This is curious to me because part of me thinks he should know that I think about him falling asleep and being in love with another woman...everyday he wakes up with someone else and has a family with this person... as he puts it...there are many types of loves...
I wonder how he defines ours....
For now, Ill just drift with the words he spoke to me that replay in my head every once in awhile from that evening we shared. so for now,
Just Him. Just Love. Just Friends.Just Growth.
Always.
Monday, May 24, 2010
THe Seattle Rain.
Dc and I were talking on the phone today after I got off work, as usual and we started talking about the weather. He was asking me all sorts of questions. Then he said, " I think I would like living there".
hmmm.
Ok.
He called me at work to ask me something or other and when I got off the phone my coworker said, " was that the love of your life?" .
Hmmm.
Ok.
Huh.
This made me smile because I wanted to say...No.... the love of my life is not mine. and that has passed.
But, instead I said, "Im not sure, we will know after this weekend".
now, after that fortune cookie said what it said last nite about following my heart to success this week...well, im curious. I think he's pondering moving here. Seriously. Im not sure what is going to transpire but it was a simple conversation with an undercurrent.
I actually told DC about the comment that my coworker said via text... and he didnt respond so I followed up with, "they tease me whenever Im talking to a man on the phone, even a customer".
He texted back with, "its ok, I understand. No worries".
I am afraid I may have given him the wrong impression...whatever THAT is...but im fine with it really. Its just a wierd sitch. Hes a caretaker by nature and I like that. I am as well. Its still hard for me to allow him to pay for things. We had this discussion this wekeend. He bought my bike for me b'c at the time I was trying to save up enough to purchase it and he offered, I argued, he sent a check anyway. I plan on taking him to dinner a few times and I have paid for our RIDE THE DUCK tour and a few other things... but im just not comfy with someone spoiling me like that. I guess during my marriage money was always on the forefront of my {non jewish thought he was Jewish } husband. It was a total tracking of who spent what doing what. It made me crazy!! and totally self conscious about someone spending money on me. It feels uncomfortable almost.
Someone told me its because I dont feel I deserve it. Maybe? Or, perhaps I dont think its someones responsbility to pay my way. Pride. However, DC has a way about him when he does things... Even when we were in NYC and he wanted to buy me something from Burberry and I was like FUCK NO! i walked out of the store before he could! I know how he works... he is taking me to vancouver on this great get away... manuevered it so Zen could come... and then he wont let me pay for anything im sure.... but it will be fun because its about 2.5 hours up and it will be fun to just be driving on a roadrip together with Zen. I just miss the male companionship of being in a relationship. Being with a man for me is just easy that way. I think we are going to have a ton of fun!
We are meeting my friends (couple) and her Sis and her bf for dinner at a place called Serafir or something like that....Tapas resturant! Then we may go back to their hotel for a card game and drinks... who knows.
Im going to AAA tomorrow at lunch to pick up a few maps of BC. and discount coupons if they have any. Im not sure what we are going to do because we have Zen and she cant be left in the hotel room...so we will probalby leave her in the car when need be....but lots of walking with umbrellas and the dog park...hopefully its not too wet...I dont know how the FAIRMONT will feel about a wet dogger meandering in and out of the place...this outta be intersting...im almost a bit nervous to be honest. DC loves fancy hotels... i guess i could get used to THAT aspect...lol....
anyhow... I hope he likes it at my house. Hes been to the PNW twice before....a week each time. So he knows what hes in for.
Counting the days till Thursday...
hmmm.
Ok.
He called me at work to ask me something or other and when I got off the phone my coworker said, " was that the love of your life?" .
Hmmm.
Ok.
Huh.
This made me smile because I wanted to say...No.... the love of my life is not mine. and that has passed.
But, instead I said, "Im not sure, we will know after this weekend".
now, after that fortune cookie said what it said last nite about following my heart to success this week...well, im curious. I think he's pondering moving here. Seriously. Im not sure what is going to transpire but it was a simple conversation with an undercurrent.
I actually told DC about the comment that my coworker said via text... and he didnt respond so I followed up with, "they tease me whenever Im talking to a man on the phone, even a customer".
He texted back with, "its ok, I understand. No worries".
I am afraid I may have given him the wrong impression...whatever THAT is...but im fine with it really. Its just a wierd sitch. Hes a caretaker by nature and I like that. I am as well. Its still hard for me to allow him to pay for things. We had this discussion this wekeend. He bought my bike for me b'c at the time I was trying to save up enough to purchase it and he offered, I argued, he sent a check anyway. I plan on taking him to dinner a few times and I have paid for our RIDE THE DUCK tour and a few other things... but im just not comfy with someone spoiling me like that. I guess during my marriage money was always on the forefront of my {non jewish thought he was Jewish } husband. It was a total tracking of who spent what doing what. It made me crazy!! and totally self conscious about someone spending money on me. It feels uncomfortable almost.
Someone told me its because I dont feel I deserve it. Maybe? Or, perhaps I dont think its someones responsbility to pay my way. Pride. However, DC has a way about him when he does things... Even when we were in NYC and he wanted to buy me something from Burberry and I was like FUCK NO! i walked out of the store before he could! I know how he works... he is taking me to vancouver on this great get away... manuevered it so Zen could come... and then he wont let me pay for anything im sure.... but it will be fun because its about 2.5 hours up and it will be fun to just be driving on a roadrip together with Zen. I just miss the male companionship of being in a relationship. Being with a man for me is just easy that way. I think we are going to have a ton of fun!
We are meeting my friends (couple) and her Sis and her bf for dinner at a place called Serafir or something like that....Tapas resturant! Then we may go back to their hotel for a card game and drinks... who knows.
Im going to AAA tomorrow at lunch to pick up a few maps of BC. and discount coupons if they have any. Im not sure what we are going to do because we have Zen and she cant be left in the hotel room...so we will probalby leave her in the car when need be....but lots of walking with umbrellas and the dog park...hopefully its not too wet...I dont know how the FAIRMONT will feel about a wet dogger meandering in and out of the place...this outta be intersting...im almost a bit nervous to be honest. DC loves fancy hotels... i guess i could get used to THAT aspect...lol....
anyhow... I hope he likes it at my house. Hes been to the PNW twice before....a week each time. So he knows what hes in for.
Counting the days till Thursday...
The Date
Oh Yes. Chris Chip. Chips Ahoy. Chris the Pitcher. Chris.
I realized I didnt write about my date with him on Saturday night. I guess I was a bit taken by my past following me around like a dark shadow. So, details.
We were originally suppose to go out friday nite but in typical fashion, one of us ended up rescheduling. It was ME this time. We actually ended up talking on the phone for a bit and then decided that I would meet him downtown at the Owl n Thistle. I found this place sorta funny because it takes me back to my 20's and lots of drinking and making out with random people. Back when life was simple. Well, MORE simple than now. I got there a bit before 8pm so I parked and sat in teh car for a bit...at least until I saw him walking up to the front. Im sort of a freak this way. I hate going into bars alone. So, after I saw him enter I went inside. We havent seen each other in a few months..at least since before my Triathlon and so it would good to actually feel a bit relaxed. He gave me a big hug and engulfed me. He's 6'5 and im 5'8 so its like Yeti givin me a hug...but it always feels nice. We found a table near the front of the stage and sat and bullshitted for awhile. Lots of flirting and the usual... lusting after my boobs. He has a 'thing' for them and its like this running joke now. Unfortunately for him, hes never seen them in all their glory... Im surprised hes hung out this long with me.
THe place started to get a bit crowded so we decided to go for a walk on the waterfront. It was a bit cold but luckily i prepared and so we ventured over and watched the Ferries come and go for awhile. He held my hand while we walked and its funny because Im so crazily attracted to him that I have a hard time holding eye contact. I had and sometimes still have that issue with Loveasauraus. its like that pure vulnerable state is really hard for me... It makes me feel like a little girl. Our conversation was easy and hes actually pretty smart. He negotiates contracts for his company and has a law degree as well. But he doesnt practice the law aspect really... He can be very quiet and almost secretive about his life and it drives me nuts. Why is it that I meet these guys that are so fucking secretive about EVERYTHING!?!? it makes me nuts. In fact, I actually have come to LOATHE the 'secret' mentality. I dont have them...so I expect someone that Im dating or care about trust me enough to share stuff... With DC i get it. He cant talk about work becuase of his clearance crap...and that doesnt bother me because I know everything else...at least as much as I can in a year and a few months. He's pretty real with me about life. I like that. No, I LOVE THAT. Friendship and loving someone is about being open and honest not jsut about feelings but about stuff.
So, with CHris I just take it for what its worth. We have an odd relationship that way. We go weeks without talking and then he will text out of the blue and then we will go meet for drinks and hang out for awhile...then we wont talk for awhile. Its wierd.
ANyhow, It was romantic to walk along the waterfront at night with a man. Its something I really have missed. Im a romantic and i like to be treated like a woman. I want to be 'woo'd' and courted... I want a man to take the lead and let me feel safe allowing that aspect to transpire. With Chris I seem to always touch him...even when walking close...perhaps its because he's such a big guy and I sort of disappear into him... We ended up finding a bench in front of the water near the aquarium and we sat and talked...about life and random crap. We ended up kissing for awhile... the funny thing is... As attracted to him as I am... I dont have that explosive-,makes-me-melt feeling when he kisses me. Its fine. Its fun. but he also gets very touchy and it sorta wierds me out. I dont even know why. Maybe it has something to do with our first date. I dont know but... there is something I just cant get past. A road block. Hes a super good looking guy that Im sure has had many women throw themselves at him yet he seems almost... inexperienced. huh. its odd. Im too old for inexperienced. After Loveasauraus and I established a pretty amazing sexual relationship... its really hard for me to deal with that crap.
It was starting to rain a bit and getting late so we decided to head back to my car. I gave him a lift to his place and we kissed a bit more. He wanted me to come up but thankfully, I have the Zen excuse and I just didnt want to go up to his place.... there is a ROADBLOCK in my head. we said good nite and I made it home around 2ish.... a lil' off sorts after all the thoughts all day about the ex and his new marriage... why I do that to myself, I have no idea.
anyhow. That was the latest date saga. Non Epic. Naturally.
I realized I didnt write about my date with him on Saturday night. I guess I was a bit taken by my past following me around like a dark shadow. So, details.
We were originally suppose to go out friday nite but in typical fashion, one of us ended up rescheduling. It was ME this time. We actually ended up talking on the phone for a bit and then decided that I would meet him downtown at the Owl n Thistle. I found this place sorta funny because it takes me back to my 20's and lots of drinking and making out with random people. Back when life was simple. Well, MORE simple than now. I got there a bit before 8pm so I parked and sat in teh car for a bit...at least until I saw him walking up to the front. Im sort of a freak this way. I hate going into bars alone. So, after I saw him enter I went inside. We havent seen each other in a few months..at least since before my Triathlon and so it would good to actually feel a bit relaxed. He gave me a big hug and engulfed me. He's 6'5 and im 5'8 so its like Yeti givin me a hug...but it always feels nice. We found a table near the front of the stage and sat and bullshitted for awhile. Lots of flirting and the usual... lusting after my boobs. He has a 'thing' for them and its like this running joke now. Unfortunately for him, hes never seen them in all their glory... Im surprised hes hung out this long with me.
THe place started to get a bit crowded so we decided to go for a walk on the waterfront. It was a bit cold but luckily i prepared and so we ventured over and watched the Ferries come and go for awhile. He held my hand while we walked and its funny because Im so crazily attracted to him that I have a hard time holding eye contact. I had and sometimes still have that issue with Loveasauraus. its like that pure vulnerable state is really hard for me... It makes me feel like a little girl. Our conversation was easy and hes actually pretty smart. He negotiates contracts for his company and has a law degree as well. But he doesnt practice the law aspect really... He can be very quiet and almost secretive about his life and it drives me nuts. Why is it that I meet these guys that are so fucking secretive about EVERYTHING!?!? it makes me nuts. In fact, I actually have come to LOATHE the 'secret' mentality. I dont have them...so I expect someone that Im dating or care about trust me enough to share stuff... With DC i get it. He cant talk about work becuase of his clearance crap...and that doesnt bother me because I know everything else...at least as much as I can in a year and a few months. He's pretty real with me about life. I like that. No, I LOVE THAT. Friendship and loving someone is about being open and honest not jsut about feelings but about stuff.
So, with CHris I just take it for what its worth. We have an odd relationship that way. We go weeks without talking and then he will text out of the blue and then we will go meet for drinks and hang out for awhile...then we wont talk for awhile. Its wierd.
ANyhow, It was romantic to walk along the waterfront at night with a man. Its something I really have missed. Im a romantic and i like to be treated like a woman. I want to be 'woo'd' and courted... I want a man to take the lead and let me feel safe allowing that aspect to transpire. With Chris I seem to always touch him...even when walking close...perhaps its because he's such a big guy and I sort of disappear into him... We ended up finding a bench in front of the water near the aquarium and we sat and talked...about life and random crap. We ended up kissing for awhile... the funny thing is... As attracted to him as I am... I dont have that explosive-,makes-me-melt feeling when he kisses me. Its fine. Its fun. but he also gets very touchy and it sorta wierds me out. I dont even know why. Maybe it has something to do with our first date. I dont know but... there is something I just cant get past. A road block. Hes a super good looking guy that Im sure has had many women throw themselves at him yet he seems almost... inexperienced. huh. its odd. Im too old for inexperienced. After Loveasauraus and I established a pretty amazing sexual relationship... its really hard for me to deal with that crap.
It was starting to rain a bit and getting late so we decided to head back to my car. I gave him a lift to his place and we kissed a bit more. He wanted me to come up but thankfully, I have the Zen excuse and I just didnt want to go up to his place.... there is a ROADBLOCK in my head. we said good nite and I made it home around 2ish.... a lil' off sorts after all the thoughts all day about the ex and his new marriage... why I do that to myself, I have no idea.
anyhow. That was the latest date saga. Non Epic. Naturally.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
HAUNTED
Im so frustrated right now. My subconscious is REALLY starting to irritate me. For whatever reason, it thinks it can rear its ugly -not wanted head into my dreams the last few nights. I feel angry.
and heres why.
May 22nd(saturday) was my ex husband's 1st anniversary with his new wife. Wed May 26 is OUR old anniversary and we would have been married 7 years. Jesus. H. Christ. 90% of the time in my daily life I could care less. I dont think about him. I dont miss him. Nada. But yesterday was just plain shitty. Our minds can go places our hearts dont want to travel... like the caboose on a train and the mind is the engine. Im forced to tag along.
All day at periods I would want to just burst into tears. I think this is mostly because He is such a fuck that he got married 4 days away; from OUR wedding date. I dont care that he got married but that was MY MEMORY Time. We may be divorced but that was OUR PAST... Ive finally gotten to the point where I could look back at it fondly... Now, Im reminded taht he got remarried before I can deal with my OWN marriage distaster/memories. I would guess he did it because he wont have to think about our past together. Which is another thing that pisses me off. Its like he just wanted to erase it with another wedding so he wouldnt have to be reminded of it every year. 'ILL JUST GETT MARRIED AROUND THE SAME TIME SO MY LIFE WILL BE CONSUMED WITH 'JENNIFER' AND I WONT HAVE TO RANDOMLY REMEMBER THE 26TH'. I feel like it just totally disrepected anything that happened in our lives together. its wierd. We arent friends and he chooses to have an enemy mentality to it all but its still wierd!!! who DOES that?!!?! He minds well have gotten married on teh same fucking day!
SO, all weekend Ive been cleaning and preparing for DC's arrival and it enters my mind and Im just glum. DId he take her to COuples where we got married? I mean, i wouldnt put it past him to take her to OUR favorite resort. Imprint over all THOSE memories too. He just ran from everything. Was he that angry at me that he just wants to erase me from his memory? We had an amazing love affair for a long time. We just werent the people each thought after awhile. Im not angry at that aspect...it happens...Im more angry that he just wants to pretend I never existed in his life. It hurts. After everything I did for him during our marriage and his schooling....spending weekends alone while he was away on a school retreat... yard work and house work... making sure his life was organized so it was easier for him to function... and he dumped me when it was all said and done. Its no wonder I have a hard time trusting any man that comes along that seems too nice... I dont want to be taken advantage of again.
So I have dreamt of him 2 nites in a row. This time it was him and her in Negril where we got married....walking the paths, eating at the resturants, making love in OUR favorite room... copying everything we did in our time together with someone else.
I hate the month of May. My lease comes up for renewal, I got married, I got divorced, my father died. my ex got remarried... overall. it just fucking SUCKS.
*sigh*.
on a positive note: My fortune cookie said this last nite :
FOLLOW YOUR HEART TO SUCCESS THIS COMING WEEK.
huh. this could be promising....ITS MY TURN TO GET REMARRED. DAMMIT!
and heres why.
May 22nd(saturday) was my ex husband's 1st anniversary with his new wife. Wed May 26 is OUR old anniversary and we would have been married 7 years. Jesus. H. Christ. 90% of the time in my daily life I could care less. I dont think about him. I dont miss him. Nada. But yesterday was just plain shitty. Our minds can go places our hearts dont want to travel... like the caboose on a train and the mind is the engine. Im forced to tag along.
All day at periods I would want to just burst into tears. I think this is mostly because He is such a fuck that he got married 4 days away; from OUR wedding date. I dont care that he got married but that was MY MEMORY Time. We may be divorced but that was OUR PAST... Ive finally gotten to the point where I could look back at it fondly... Now, Im reminded taht he got remarried before I can deal with my OWN marriage distaster/memories. I would guess he did it because he wont have to think about our past together. Which is another thing that pisses me off. Its like he just wanted to erase it with another wedding so he wouldnt have to be reminded of it every year. 'ILL JUST GETT MARRIED AROUND THE SAME TIME SO MY LIFE WILL BE CONSUMED WITH 'JENNIFER' AND I WONT HAVE TO RANDOMLY REMEMBER THE 26TH'. I feel like it just totally disrepected anything that happened in our lives together. its wierd. We arent friends and he chooses to have an enemy mentality to it all but its still wierd!!! who DOES that?!!?! He minds well have gotten married on teh same fucking day!
SO, all weekend Ive been cleaning and preparing for DC's arrival and it enters my mind and Im just glum. DId he take her to COuples where we got married? I mean, i wouldnt put it past him to take her to OUR favorite resort. Imprint over all THOSE memories too. He just ran from everything. Was he that angry at me that he just wants to erase me from his memory? We had an amazing love affair for a long time. We just werent the people each thought after awhile. Im not angry at that aspect...it happens...Im more angry that he just wants to pretend I never existed in his life. It hurts. After everything I did for him during our marriage and his schooling....spending weekends alone while he was away on a school retreat... yard work and house work... making sure his life was organized so it was easier for him to function... and he dumped me when it was all said and done. Its no wonder I have a hard time trusting any man that comes along that seems too nice... I dont want to be taken advantage of again.
So I have dreamt of him 2 nites in a row. This time it was him and her in Negril where we got married....walking the paths, eating at the resturants, making love in OUR favorite room... copying everything we did in our time together with someone else.
I hate the month of May. My lease comes up for renewal, I got married, I got divorced, my father died. my ex got remarried... overall. it just fucking SUCKS.
*sigh*.
on a positive note: My fortune cookie said this last nite :
FOLLOW YOUR HEART TO SUCCESS THIS COMING WEEK.
huh. this could be promising....ITS MY TURN TO GET REMARRED. DAMMIT!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
An Education
I watched a rather powerful movie this weekend called "An Education". A british flick with heavy accents and proper dress. A movie that had a strong lesson behind it that I found rather potent to me in this state of change and blind-curves ahead. It had many resinating undertones one of which was falling in love can blind us, can prey upon the naive heart that wants more than anything to believe in the good of another and more importantly, things are not always as they seem or presented to you.
The gist is that a young 17 year old girl falls in love with a 'knight n' shining armour'. He is smart, wealthy and romantic. She is swept off her feet and is too young to question what we, older women, might. Of course, it seems obvious at the end but to watch her struggle between the idea of being taken care of by a wealthy man that doesnt necessarily make a living honestly or to pursue a path that will further her along as a person and give her an education. The struggle she endures. I realized that we all have these struggles: Take the easy path if presented or, choose a bit more wisely and take the path that will lead to our own personal growth.
I can't say that I have been in those exact circumstances but I have encountered the 'taken' man, the choice to stay in a relationship that wasnt healthy for me because it would be easy to just become submissive rather than stand up for myself and the choice I am currently facing: Pursue an education or stay on my current path and be content in that. I have reached yet another proverbial fork. Well, I havent REACHED it yet but I see it in the distance. At this piont, I dont have any kids, no future "baby daddy" lurking and my career in at a crux. So, this leaves me where? I can relocate to california if I so choose. I can date like a mad woman and find someone that suits my "needs' whatever Those are or/and I can apply to grad school and pray I get in. Destin myself to a few years of sheer night-school hell and debt. I feel like I have momentous decisions coming up. Although, If I look at it from another perspective... Perhaps the road will guide me to the natural path and I wont have to make any decisions, perse. Afterall, that has been my luck thus far. As if someone just plugged in a spotlight and pointed it to the 'right' decision for me.
Im not overly stressed about the current climate in my life. I guess Ive learned to roll with the punches. Death, sickness, divorce, new job, loss of job, relocation... been there, done that. Triathlon -check! 2nd one in September... Fell in love again-Check... survived it--- check! Been unemployed--Check! Rehired by same employer-check! ... let go again by said-employer...Double Check!! At this piont, stress and worry is a wasted emotion best left in the closet. Im ok. My skin has grown thicker. My heart a bit more protective. My choices a bit more thought out, My lips have kissed with fever and my body wrapped around love. I have experienced sheer raw tenderness and I have been reminded that to love and share and be vulnerable is a beautiful thing if shared with someone you meld with. If only for a moment. I learned what it means to just BE. To not have to mold who I am to be accepted by another. To have someone completely SEE me for me and love that person. That Soul. I have cried the deepest pain I have yet to experience with the loss of my father. I have learned to mourn and accept and to let it just breathe. Ive been reminded that sex is sex and it can be fantastic but I much perfer emotional connection. Ive discovered my love for photography and that I have a talent for capturing that which seems ordinary and making it ... noticable. I have exposed my raw emotion thru writing. An art I had forgotten while I was busy conforming my being to match the needs of my ex husband.
I have learned forgiveness.
I have saved a life. I have swum, biked and run and crossed a finish line. I have flown on a private jet, ate a privately chef-prepared meal at a Frank Lloyd Wright home on a table he designed. Ive watched a mental breakdown happen, slept with a 'married' man. I have learned to speak my mind and not worry so much about what others think of me. To understand that not everyone will like you and Ive learned to be OK with that. Ive challenged my weaknesses and grasped tightly to my strengths. I have slept with the Army, Navy and Marines. I still perfer the Navy :)
I have conquered thus far.
and I guess that says alot.
My life... well, I guess you could say...
Its AN Education..
The gist is that a young 17 year old girl falls in love with a 'knight n' shining armour'. He is smart, wealthy and romantic. She is swept off her feet and is too young to question what we, older women, might. Of course, it seems obvious at the end but to watch her struggle between the idea of being taken care of by a wealthy man that doesnt necessarily make a living honestly or to pursue a path that will further her along as a person and give her an education. The struggle she endures. I realized that we all have these struggles: Take the easy path if presented or, choose a bit more wisely and take the path that will lead to our own personal growth.
I can't say that I have been in those exact circumstances but I have encountered the 'taken' man, the choice to stay in a relationship that wasnt healthy for me because it would be easy to just become submissive rather than stand up for myself and the choice I am currently facing: Pursue an education or stay on my current path and be content in that. I have reached yet another proverbial fork. Well, I havent REACHED it yet but I see it in the distance. At this piont, I dont have any kids, no future "baby daddy" lurking and my career in at a crux. So, this leaves me where? I can relocate to california if I so choose. I can date like a mad woman and find someone that suits my "needs' whatever Those are or/and I can apply to grad school and pray I get in. Destin myself to a few years of sheer night-school hell and debt. I feel like I have momentous decisions coming up. Although, If I look at it from another perspective... Perhaps the road will guide me to the natural path and I wont have to make any decisions, perse. Afterall, that has been my luck thus far. As if someone just plugged in a spotlight and pointed it to the 'right' decision for me.
Im not overly stressed about the current climate in my life. I guess Ive learned to roll with the punches. Death, sickness, divorce, new job, loss of job, relocation... been there, done that. Triathlon -check! 2nd one in September... Fell in love again-Check... survived it--- check! Been unemployed--Check! Rehired by same employer-check! ... let go again by said-employer...Double Check!! At this piont, stress and worry is a wasted emotion best left in the closet. Im ok. My skin has grown thicker. My heart a bit more protective. My choices a bit more thought out, My lips have kissed with fever and my body wrapped around love. I have experienced sheer raw tenderness and I have been reminded that to love and share and be vulnerable is a beautiful thing if shared with someone you meld with. If only for a moment. I learned what it means to just BE. To not have to mold who I am to be accepted by another. To have someone completely SEE me for me and love that person. That Soul. I have cried the deepest pain I have yet to experience with the loss of my father. I have learned to mourn and accept and to let it just breathe. Ive been reminded that sex is sex and it can be fantastic but I much perfer emotional connection. Ive discovered my love for photography and that I have a talent for capturing that which seems ordinary and making it ... noticable. I have exposed my raw emotion thru writing. An art I had forgotten while I was busy conforming my being to match the needs of my ex husband.
I have learned forgiveness.
I have saved a life. I have swum, biked and run and crossed a finish line. I have flown on a private jet, ate a privately chef-prepared meal at a Frank Lloyd Wright home on a table he designed. Ive watched a mental breakdown happen, slept with a 'married' man. I have learned to speak my mind and not worry so much about what others think of me. To understand that not everyone will like you and Ive learned to be OK with that. Ive challenged my weaknesses and grasped tightly to my strengths. I have slept with the Army, Navy and Marines. I still perfer the Navy :)
I have conquered thus far.
and I guess that says alot.
My life... well, I guess you could say...
Its AN Education..
Monday, May 17, 2010
Finding Ghandi
“There is nothing that wastes the body like worry, and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever”
and so it goes... I was working on the penisula today and away from work email. I wasted alot of time on the clock because quite frankly? I dont give a flying fig about work anymore. Something inside me struggles with any sort of dedication to my (old) company. Its just been flat out wierd since Ive been back and I find that I just show up for a paycheck. I guess thats what happens when the company that thought you were good enough to lay off thinks you are good enough to call back.
I purposefully got "lost" to waste time and I dont even know why. I wasnt going into the office anyhow... but it seemed like a mindless fun adventure. I ended up, of all places, in Keyport. This happens to be where one of my old hook up's lives/works. Hes works on the base there and I was actually a bit lost for reals by this time so I sent him a text. It took him about 15 minutes to return the text and by that time, I had found my way back to the freeway and was headed home. He told me to come by and say Hi. Damn! I totally would have. Although, I wasnt feeling all that sexy or up to any sort of intimate flirting. Perhaps next time. We texted back and forth and he asked what Ive been up to and that we should hang out. aka. sleep together, im sure. HA! I havent seen him since probably January... it was an awkward encounter as I suddenly got my period and it was just....wierd. It was only the 2nd time we had slept together and it just sort of embarassed me. ok. HORRIFIED me. In the morning, he hung around for awhile and then left. That was it. Never talked to him since that morning. Im sure he was surprised to hear from me but he seemed pleasantly so.
At any rate, I drove home and checked my work email. There it was: THE EMAIL.
I am currently working with my "old" company as a contractor. My 3 months is up at the end of May. My boss didnt have the balls to tell me beforehand... she just sent the email out to the company about the design dept "plan". This basically was that my coworker was coming back on June 1st and I would be downloading my projects back to her. My boss put this: "hopefully, "me" will be able to work with us on a *as needed* basis". um. Yea. I found out with everyone else that June 1st would be my last day. What a Bitch. Have some fucking balls to tell me personally. I find the whole thing disrepectful. Thanks.
It wasnt a total shock perse, I just was expecting her to talk to me directly. So be it. This means im back to unemployment and I get my SUMMER OFF!! This is very exciting to me on my levels. I am going to do another Triathlon on Sept 12 and I can train again. I will be able to goto the outdoor lap pool that is saltwater and then Lay-out. Nice! I can road trip to my dad's for a few weeks too! This is good! I will have my resume reformatted and start looking with a bit more fever for a new job. I really dont want to go back to the industry I was working in. After a 10% cut in pay. Fuck That! If I can convince DC to move here, that would rock!
On another wierd note, There is this random guy i met online awhile ago...almost a year now... he replied to something I wrote and we have been writing on and off for awhile. He is talking about coming out to visit from Michigan. He wants to move to the PNW. There is something awkwardly familar about this guy though. I cant go into it but... the similarities are very peculiar.
My heart hurts. I hate loving someone I cant have. There are moments when its ok and I think I can totally move forward and above and beyond. Then, there are moments when I feel I cant breathe if I dont kiss him soon. Ive slept with others but my connection and deep felt love for him is unmatched. Sex is amazing when you are emotionally intimately connected to another. As ive gotten older, its more important that I have that where sex is involved. He's been inside of me for so long that I dont really know how to exist without him there. Even if I meet and date and love another eventually... ...he will always be there. In the backround... hes like the little voice inside of my soul that yearns to be held forever. Im excited for DC to come visit but not necessarily because of sex or romance or... whatever. I guess to have a distraction. No one will ever match what my love and I have. At least for me, he is my lobster. Its something I know innately. Intuitively. I have always known. DC is there but on a different plain...nothing is the same. Im not sure how I will react if we become intimate. To be honest, it sort of freaks me out because we are such great friends... The thought of sleeping with him is sort of... Odd. huh.
My neigh bor left her garbage cans out because she missed pick up last week... and the 2 bags of garbage for overflow. In the last few days the crows have ripped the bags open and when i drove up today, shit was everywhere. It was the final straw. I wrote a note and taped it to her door. Shes a renter about probably about 23 years old. I dont pay what I pay a month to live in the fucking hood /trailor park. Have some respect you twit, and pick up your damned TRASH! The other neighbors were pissed as well so I took it upon myself to be the self appointed bitch. She cleaned it up. I find it funny since the trash is picked up on Wed morning so she will have to lug all that crap out tomorrow nite. ha! dumb dumb.
I will have to goto work tomorrow and play friendly. And move my ass to get shit down since I pretty much slacked all day! haha. oh well. I took off friday the 28th for Dc's visit. Think, at this point...ill take the 27th as well. Fuck it.
Time to train and get tan...oh, and lust after Coach again! This makes me happy all on its own!
and so it goes... I was working on the penisula today and away from work email. I wasted alot of time on the clock because quite frankly? I dont give a flying fig about work anymore. Something inside me struggles with any sort of dedication to my (old) company. Its just been flat out wierd since Ive been back and I find that I just show up for a paycheck. I guess thats what happens when the company that thought you were good enough to lay off thinks you are good enough to call back.
I purposefully got "lost" to waste time and I dont even know why. I wasnt going into the office anyhow... but it seemed like a mindless fun adventure. I ended up, of all places, in Keyport. This happens to be where one of my old hook up's lives/works. Hes works on the base there and I was actually a bit lost for reals by this time so I sent him a text. It took him about 15 minutes to return the text and by that time, I had found my way back to the freeway and was headed home. He told me to come by and say Hi. Damn! I totally would have. Although, I wasnt feeling all that sexy or up to any sort of intimate flirting. Perhaps next time. We texted back and forth and he asked what Ive been up to and that we should hang out. aka. sleep together, im sure. HA! I havent seen him since probably January... it was an awkward encounter as I suddenly got my period and it was just....wierd. It was only the 2nd time we had slept together and it just sort of embarassed me. ok. HORRIFIED me. In the morning, he hung around for awhile and then left. That was it. Never talked to him since that morning. Im sure he was surprised to hear from me but he seemed pleasantly so.
At any rate, I drove home and checked my work email. There it was: THE EMAIL.
I am currently working with my "old" company as a contractor. My 3 months is up at the end of May. My boss didnt have the balls to tell me beforehand... she just sent the email out to the company about the design dept "plan". This basically was that my coworker was coming back on June 1st and I would be downloading my projects back to her. My boss put this: "hopefully, "me" will be able to work with us on a *as needed* basis". um. Yea. I found out with everyone else that June 1st would be my last day. What a Bitch. Have some fucking balls to tell me personally. I find the whole thing disrepectful. Thanks.
It wasnt a total shock perse, I just was expecting her to talk to me directly. So be it. This means im back to unemployment and I get my SUMMER OFF!! This is very exciting to me on my levels. I am going to do another Triathlon on Sept 12 and I can train again. I will be able to goto the outdoor lap pool that is saltwater and then Lay-out. Nice! I can road trip to my dad's for a few weeks too! This is good! I will have my resume reformatted and start looking with a bit more fever for a new job. I really dont want to go back to the industry I was working in. After a 10% cut in pay. Fuck That! If I can convince DC to move here, that would rock!
On another wierd note, There is this random guy i met online awhile ago...almost a year now... he replied to something I wrote and we have been writing on and off for awhile. He is talking about coming out to visit from Michigan. He wants to move to the PNW. There is something awkwardly familar about this guy though. I cant go into it but... the similarities are very peculiar.
My heart hurts. I hate loving someone I cant have. There are moments when its ok and I think I can totally move forward and above and beyond. Then, there are moments when I feel I cant breathe if I dont kiss him soon. Ive slept with others but my connection and deep felt love for him is unmatched. Sex is amazing when you are emotionally intimately connected to another. As ive gotten older, its more important that I have that where sex is involved. He's been inside of me for so long that I dont really know how to exist without him there. Even if I meet and date and love another eventually... ...he will always be there. In the backround... hes like the little voice inside of my soul that yearns to be held forever. Im excited for DC to come visit but not necessarily because of sex or romance or... whatever. I guess to have a distraction. No one will ever match what my love and I have. At least for me, he is my lobster. Its something I know innately. Intuitively. I have always known. DC is there but on a different plain...nothing is the same. Im not sure how I will react if we become intimate. To be honest, it sort of freaks me out because we are such great friends... The thought of sleeping with him is sort of... Odd. huh.
My neigh bor left her garbage cans out because she missed pick up last week... and the 2 bags of garbage for overflow. In the last few days the crows have ripped the bags open and when i drove up today, shit was everywhere. It was the final straw. I wrote a note and taped it to her door. Shes a renter about probably about 23 years old. I dont pay what I pay a month to live in the fucking hood /trailor park. Have some respect you twit, and pick up your damned TRASH! The other neighbors were pissed as well so I took it upon myself to be the self appointed bitch. She cleaned it up. I find it funny since the trash is picked up on Wed morning so she will have to lug all that crap out tomorrow nite. ha! dumb dumb.
I will have to goto work tomorrow and play friendly. And move my ass to get shit down since I pretty much slacked all day! haha. oh well. I took off friday the 28th for Dc's visit. Think, at this point...ill take the 27th as well. Fuck it.
Time to train and get tan...oh, and lust after Coach again! This makes me happy all on its own!
Saturday, May 15, 2010
LackLuster
Its Saturday morning and WAYYYYYYYYYYY too early to be sitting here writing in my blog but thanks to my 'kids'... I am up and atum a bit early. Its nice to know I wont be late for work becuase if im not awake by Sunrise, Mickey runs around the house like a 200lb man (he weighs about 15lbs), plays in the bathtub, scratches the carpet b'c he knows i will yell at him and pounces the bed until such time as I scream out STOP! or get up. Zen happens to participate in this game of 'wake the mommy up'... Her M.O. is to climb into bed at the head of the bed and sit on my face. or close to it. "cuddle up" as im sure it seems in her doggy mind. Sometimes she will just sit there and stare at me and sniff my eyes. She is 96lbs of Lab. Nothing changed this morning. Obviously.
I didnt have much going on this week for the most part. Pissed off a customer with my "lack of response"... this is an acct that I struggle with becuase I basically HATE the point of contact as she is a total and COMPLETE micromanager. Which, as anyone that knows me, I DESPISE. It makes me really angry to be micromanaged. As it does most folks I suppose. My job is very technical and requires hours of concentration at times. This client consistently screams FIRE for every little change or nuance to her project. Im over it. I had to suck it up and write an email of apology becuase she felt "ignored". Ugh. Sometimes this working shit is for the birds.
This was preceded by the work email being down for an entire day. We also roll with VOIP so we had no vm either. Between customers being pissed and my I.T. director being the leader of the GAY PRICK COLOLITION... It started the week on a bad note. Im not even sure wtf is going on with my job as I am still noted as Temporary. Of course, I have mixed emotions about this. I want my 401k back and paid benefits but I also like the option of another summer off. Perhaps I should be a school teacher! ha! At this point, it would be worth the cut in pay. I think I would teach Kindergarten. Seems a good age. Or, I could go back to get my Masters. Ive toyed with this idea. I think that if I meet someone or the thing with DC works out and at some piont, im living with 2 incomes...I just might do it. Healthcare administration probably. *ponders*... would increase my income substantially.
I am currently sitting on my patio outside listening to the glorious sounds of morning. The forest is directly behind my backyard and becuase there is a river below about 400 ft or so, there are tons of birds and other wildlife that grace the morning airwaves. Its almost like living in an avery. The birdsong is magnificant. I have to say that it compares greatly to the songs of frogs in Jamaica. If i close my eyes, there must be 100's of different species singing within the forest. Makes me want to join in! I dont think my neighbors would appreciate it. ha!
Its going to be a wonderous day here in the PNW. I plan on venturing out to get Zen a dog pool and then cleaning my place. Its a disaster and im horrified. Coming down off the triathlon high has been a bit exhausting. I need to get back into the gym as well. One of my oldest friends is in from the Bay area visiting some old college friends that live about 10 miles away and so I will be meeting them all downtown tonite for dinner. I know one of them aside from Suzie so it will be quite a reunion! I love when people visit here from out of state! Especially when its beautiful. This is one of THE BEST cities to live in because of all it has to offer. When people come to visit, they understand why I live here.
Other than that, im laying low this weekend. I had lunch with one of my best friends Vanessa yesterday. I have converted her to the TRIATHLON mentality and she wants to do one in a year. She played college basketball and was a lifeguard etc and is 6' tall and lean. I think she would do really well. She was impressed with my acommplishment and wants to say she did one herself! So, I have agreed to help her get started with the swimming part of it because, like most, its the most difficult for her to grab hold of. This is exciting!
As im sitting outside writing this, Zen is laying on the patio sniffing all the magnificant smells of the yard. I wonder what she smells, exactly. I can only imagine since the nose is like a pair of human eyes for animals. Every once in awhile she will growl or bark. I can imagine shes getting a whiff of a deer or god knows WHAT!
Im off to start my day! I think I will hit the gym soon and get that out of the way. Dinner tonite at 615pm...What to wear what to wear!
I didnt have much going on this week for the most part. Pissed off a customer with my "lack of response"... this is an acct that I struggle with becuase I basically HATE the point of contact as she is a total and COMPLETE micromanager. Which, as anyone that knows me, I DESPISE. It makes me really angry to be micromanaged. As it does most folks I suppose. My job is very technical and requires hours of concentration at times. This client consistently screams FIRE for every little change or nuance to her project. Im over it. I had to suck it up and write an email of apology becuase she felt "ignored". Ugh. Sometimes this working shit is for the birds.
This was preceded by the work email being down for an entire day. We also roll with VOIP so we had no vm either. Between customers being pissed and my I.T. director being the leader of the GAY PRICK COLOLITION... It started the week on a bad note. Im not even sure wtf is going on with my job as I am still noted as Temporary. Of course, I have mixed emotions about this. I want my 401k back and paid benefits but I also like the option of another summer off. Perhaps I should be a school teacher! ha! At this point, it would be worth the cut in pay. I think I would teach Kindergarten. Seems a good age. Or, I could go back to get my Masters. Ive toyed with this idea. I think that if I meet someone or the thing with DC works out and at some piont, im living with 2 incomes...I just might do it. Healthcare administration probably. *ponders*... would increase my income substantially.
I am currently sitting on my patio outside listening to the glorious sounds of morning. The forest is directly behind my backyard and becuase there is a river below about 400 ft or so, there are tons of birds and other wildlife that grace the morning airwaves. Its almost like living in an avery. The birdsong is magnificant. I have to say that it compares greatly to the songs of frogs in Jamaica. If i close my eyes, there must be 100's of different species singing within the forest. Makes me want to join in! I dont think my neighbors would appreciate it. ha!
Its going to be a wonderous day here in the PNW. I plan on venturing out to get Zen a dog pool and then cleaning my place. Its a disaster and im horrified. Coming down off the triathlon high has been a bit exhausting. I need to get back into the gym as well. One of my oldest friends is in from the Bay area visiting some old college friends that live about 10 miles away and so I will be meeting them all downtown tonite for dinner. I know one of them aside from Suzie so it will be quite a reunion! I love when people visit here from out of state! Especially when its beautiful. This is one of THE BEST cities to live in because of all it has to offer. When people come to visit, they understand why I live here.
Other than that, im laying low this weekend. I had lunch with one of my best friends Vanessa yesterday. I have converted her to the TRIATHLON mentality and she wants to do one in a year. She played college basketball and was a lifeguard etc and is 6' tall and lean. I think she would do really well. She was impressed with my acommplishment and wants to say she did one herself! So, I have agreed to help her get started with the swimming part of it because, like most, its the most difficult for her to grab hold of. This is exciting!
As im sitting outside writing this, Zen is laying on the patio sniffing all the magnificant smells of the yard. I wonder what she smells, exactly. I can only imagine since the nose is like a pair of human eyes for animals. Every once in awhile she will growl or bark. I can imagine shes getting a whiff of a deer or god knows WHAT!
Im off to start my day! I think I will hit the gym soon and get that out of the way. Dinner tonite at 615pm...What to wear what to wear!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Moving On..
I have eaten like shit since my triathlon and I really need to get a grip and buckle down. (eats jalepeno cheese bread for dinner)...
Work has been a real bitch this week. My 'ADD' has been acting up and I cant focus or perhaps I dont WANT to focus. Whatever the reason, its making work a real chore and thats no good. I also seem to have no real memory from the past week. I dont even think I could tell you what I did this last weekend. Oh, wait...I came home from the bay area. THat seems AGES ago. Its only Wed!
Random thoughts:
So, while I was home in the Bay I received a text at 139am. It was from Golf Guy. We hung out for a few weeks and he basically spent 4 nites straight at my house every week... then we had a misunderstanding and its been rocky ever since. We talked about hooking up a few months ago and then just being friends and it just got wierd and we eventually just stopped talking. This text said: "HEY".
I chalked it up to a drunk text. Hes done it before. I didnt see it until the morning and I texted back, "what? obviously a drunk text eh?".
Never heard a peep from him. what a dumbass. Moving on.
I havent been on the dating scene for approx.. 2.5 months. Im holding off joining again until after DC comes to visit. We shall see where that goes. We are really great friends and have wonderful conversations...from serious stuff to all out laughter-pee-your-pants convos. While I was at my father's house, he sent me a text that read, "You are the only thing in my life that has made any sense, so you have that going for you, which is nice"... he always has to put a funny twist on things.
I thought this was the sweetest sentiment; especially since we dont talk on a serious "romantic" note very often. i was actually sort of speechless by this comment. Which, i told him. We talk sometimes everyday and sometimes every few days... just depends on his work schedule and whats going on. Last night we were talking as he purchased his airline ticket to come to the PNW for Memorial Day weekend.
Hes arriving May 26-Wed and leaving the following Wed. This is irony. May 26-Wed was my wedding day in Negril Jamaica. My anniversary has always been bittersweet and this will be a good thing, i think. I joked that he will have to hold me while I cry a river of tears... LOL... odd. I NEVER WOULD have guessed that I would be standing in this place: Single and childless if you asked me on the day of my wedding. Wow. Surreal at times. At times, being married was such a long time ago. I really enjoyed being married and would definitely do it again if the right person came along. Unlike my love, who will never marry again. lol....
So, ive been pondering all of this. Loving a man deeply that gets me on a soulful deep level. Understands my intricate nature and still loves me despite my faults... a love that will never be anymore than what it is...sadly. Then there is DC. He is available but across the country and told me just the other day that there is something very endearing about me that captures him. He cant quite figure it out. We have only known each other a year and he doesnt know me by any means as My Love does... that raw connection. However,Ive been trying to figure out and sort of 'dreaming' about what might go down in Vancouver and while hes visiting me.
WIll we kiss? When and how will it happen? Does he want to be romantically involved? Maybe not. I tested this last night on the phone. I think I caught him off guard because I mentioned the guest bedroom and he sort of stuttered. Of course, he wont be sleeping in there, I doubt it anyhow. We slept in the same bed the entire time I was visiting him. ALmost like an old married couple. I do laugh though because I ponder these things... What would sex be like with him? I mean, we totallly have great chemistry on a mental level... I think he would probably make a great boy friend. I cant figure out how I feel about it all though. He did joke recently about not ruining my eggs on my Triathlon b'c we have to carry on the DC genes... haha... WOWA.
This weekend I have a friend coming in from the Bay Area that I have known for like 20 years almost. Shes flying up to visit friends and invited me to dinner with them Saturday nite. Im always up for meeting new peeps that live here... networking is always a great thing! It should be fun!
Tomorrow I am out on the pennisula for work all day. I will take my camera and work on some pics. My new Idea is cemetaries. Then Churches.
Well, its almost 8pm and I want to go watch the Hurt Locker. I heard it was great!
Work has been a real bitch this week. My 'ADD' has been acting up and I cant focus or perhaps I dont WANT to focus. Whatever the reason, its making work a real chore and thats no good. I also seem to have no real memory from the past week. I dont even think I could tell you what I did this last weekend. Oh, wait...I came home from the bay area. THat seems AGES ago. Its only Wed!
Random thoughts:
So, while I was home in the Bay I received a text at 139am. It was from Golf Guy. We hung out for a few weeks and he basically spent 4 nites straight at my house every week... then we had a misunderstanding and its been rocky ever since. We talked about hooking up a few months ago and then just being friends and it just got wierd and we eventually just stopped talking. This text said: "HEY".
I chalked it up to a drunk text. Hes done it before. I didnt see it until the morning and I texted back, "what? obviously a drunk text eh?".
Never heard a peep from him. what a dumbass. Moving on.
I havent been on the dating scene for approx.. 2.5 months. Im holding off joining again until after DC comes to visit. We shall see where that goes. We are really great friends and have wonderful conversations...from serious stuff to all out laughter-pee-your-pants convos. While I was at my father's house, he sent me a text that read, "You are the only thing in my life that has made any sense, so you have that going for you, which is nice"... he always has to put a funny twist on things.
I thought this was the sweetest sentiment; especially since we dont talk on a serious "romantic" note very often. i was actually sort of speechless by this comment. Which, i told him. We talk sometimes everyday and sometimes every few days... just depends on his work schedule and whats going on. Last night we were talking as he purchased his airline ticket to come to the PNW for Memorial Day weekend.
Hes arriving May 26-Wed and leaving the following Wed. This is irony. May 26-Wed was my wedding day in Negril Jamaica. My anniversary has always been bittersweet and this will be a good thing, i think. I joked that he will have to hold me while I cry a river of tears... LOL... odd. I NEVER WOULD have guessed that I would be standing in this place: Single and childless if you asked me on the day of my wedding. Wow. Surreal at times. At times, being married was such a long time ago. I really enjoyed being married and would definitely do it again if the right person came along. Unlike my love, who will never marry again. lol....
So, ive been pondering all of this. Loving a man deeply that gets me on a soulful deep level. Understands my intricate nature and still loves me despite my faults... a love that will never be anymore than what it is...sadly. Then there is DC. He is available but across the country and told me just the other day that there is something very endearing about me that captures him. He cant quite figure it out. We have only known each other a year and he doesnt know me by any means as My Love does... that raw connection. However,Ive been trying to figure out and sort of 'dreaming' about what might go down in Vancouver and while hes visiting me.
WIll we kiss? When and how will it happen? Does he want to be romantically involved? Maybe not. I tested this last night on the phone. I think I caught him off guard because I mentioned the guest bedroom and he sort of stuttered. Of course, he wont be sleeping in there, I doubt it anyhow. We slept in the same bed the entire time I was visiting him. ALmost like an old married couple. I do laugh though because I ponder these things... What would sex be like with him? I mean, we totallly have great chemistry on a mental level... I think he would probably make a great boy friend. I cant figure out how I feel about it all though. He did joke recently about not ruining my eggs on my Triathlon b'c we have to carry on the DC genes... haha... WOWA.
This weekend I have a friend coming in from the Bay Area that I have known for like 20 years almost. Shes flying up to visit friends and invited me to dinner with them Saturday nite. Im always up for meeting new peeps that live here... networking is always a great thing! It should be fun!
Tomorrow I am out on the pennisula for work all day. I will take my camera and work on some pics. My new Idea is cemetaries. Then Churches.
Well, its almost 8pm and I want to go watch the Hurt Locker. I heard it was great!
Monday, May 10, 2010
Triathlon part 2
Yes, the worst possible senerio happened. As I was swimming by, I heard a faint .. "Help". Amazingly enough, there was no one even in close proximity to me or to the woman that was calling out. This left *me* to assist her. I had just got into a great rythme with the swimming and the finish was in sight, I had no choice to be help her. Of course, I wouldnt have kept swimming no matter what. There is a reason I was next to this woman: I am an extremely strong swimmer and I have the ability to be calm in a crisis. I quickly turned around to my left and swam the 10 feet over to her. She was probably in her 70's, was as tan as the lady from SOMETHING ABOUT MARY and had pig tails. When I reached her, she was slowly bobbing up and under the water. I looked around, called out to the guy in the kyak but he couldnt get to me because I was on the inside of the swim area... he couldnt cross over all the swimmers. This left no alternative but to grab her and swim with her to the kyak. Luckily, she was about 90-100lbs soppin wet (literally) and so I told her to lay on her back and I held her up from the middle of her back. She was wearing a wetsuit so that helped with the boyancy and she was able to keep her head above water. At this point, I started swimming towards the kyak which was a good 50 yards away. I kept talking to her while trying to get around the swimmers; most of whom where totally in a zone and had no idea what was going on. I think there were moments when she actually lost consciousness... another swimmer came along and offered to help and I said yes because I was getting tired swimming with one arm and keeping her afloat. She floated her head region but the lady was grabbing her face and the helper began to panic herself because she felt like she was being pushed under. i told her I was fine and to keep swimming, I had her. I swam nad FINALLY reached the kyak. The lady awoke from her coma-like state and was able to hang onto the kayak. Once I made sure she was ok, I started to swim...I was even more exhausted than I was before... and now, the waves were more intense becuase the motor boat that came to rescue the lady! I was about 300 yards off shore and it was the longest swim ever. When I reached the shore and could touch, I praised the Lord and was thinking simutaneously..."why the FUCK did I decide to do this? Am I fucking nuts?".... at that very moment, I heard my brother's voice... There he was on the shore screaming and encouraging me on! he ran with me up the boatlaunch area and told me I was doing a great job... we talked and I told him about the lady... thats about as much as I remember. I think I was still in emotional/physical shockover the swim and having rescued some lady in the midst of my first triathlon. The Lord does test Us I say...
I got the to transition area and was shivering and dizzy. I heard others saying they were dizzy as well. By this time, i was in the last 1/4 of the people in the transition area. I know I would have been at least 10 min ahead had that incident not happened; I wouldnt change it however... Sometimes, we are called upon to do things where there is no choice, just reaction.
I finally got out of my wetsuit and my family was standing next to the transition zone the entire time filming me and talking... My mom had a look on her face like she thought I might pass out and my brother and his gf were giving me words of encouragement... I got my clothes on and got on my bike... thats when the 2nd leg of pain began.
The minute you get on the bike you have to ride up a slight grade. Sure, on a normal day it wouldnt have been all that bad but having just battled waters from THE DEADLIEST CATCH variety, saved a drowning senior citizen and ran up a hill... this was not a good sign. I was relieved to know I had my energy gel to eat. I was so dizzy that I had a hard time balancing on my bike to steer with one hand. I grabbed the energy packet and in the midst of tryin to tear it open with my teeth, I dropped the fucking thing on the ground. FUCK!
I about cried right then and there. As I mustered up enough energy to begin a serious climb, I looked up and saw the first of the pack already returning. WHAT?!!?!?! 11.5 miles already completed? If that wasnt a bit demoralizing, Im not sure what was. I gritted my teeth, said a prayer to every God I could muster up and pedalled. and pedalled. and pedalled some more. 11.5 miles to be exact. At the midpoint, I would probably say that I had lost my lust for life. I had just cruised down the most AMAZING hill ever... then I remembered": I have to ride back UP that damn hill. I wanted to quit but realized How? I couldnt quit because there was no one to pick up my ass with my bike. It was me and the hilly 5.5 miles back to the transition area. I had to do it. I had to get there and finish. It was at about 8 miles that my handle bars started to loosen up. Oh yea. The handlebars where coming lose from the Y-stem and were slipping back and forth. and rotating forward and backward. There was no way they could come off perse but It was making using the gears and brakes a tedious task. On top of the sheer exhausting task of pedaling up hill, I couldnt count on my handlebars to stay in one place! I mean, HULLO! what next?!
I *FINALLY* made it to the transition area. Spent and delerious by this point, I cruised in to hear my cheerleading squad giving me fevered encouragement. Now was the worst part for me: THE RUN.
I will preface this by saying that when I returned almost all the bikes were back on the racks and there were runners crossing the finish line already. I was listening to the announcer. I still had a good 45 minutes left. This was about what I calculated for the run/walk. I ran a mile, walked a mile or more... At that piont, I think there were probably 8 people between me and the last person to stroll over the finish line. At least I wasnt last i kept thinking. It was hot, I was tired and I just wanted to cross the end piont. I finally got there and I saw my stepdad taking my picture and I heard the announcer call out my number and people cheering! My brother met me on the other side of the finish line and I just remember thinking...I DID IT DAD...I DID IT! It was, afterall, for him and in his memory... being a 3 days from the 1 year anniversary of his death. I collapsed in my brother's arms and started to weep.
I had achieved a goal I had had for over 5 years. I had fnished despite the obstacles I encountered and the lack of training properly in the last 2 months. The most critical time.
I got my medal, I got my shirt and hat and snacks... and I walked away with the best smile Ive had in a long time. 2:31 was my time. My goal it to get to 2 hours. That is my next Triathlon in September. the Winner of this particular Tri finished in 1:34 and was 14! crazy!
My mom, stepdad, brother and his girlfriend and I all went to lunch in Napa. That was rpobably THE best pizza and salad ive ever eaten.
For the next 2 days, I couldnt eat enough food. I was totally famished but it was the best FAMISHED id ever felt. I loved the feeling of accomplishment. Especially for a phsycial challenge. Ive given myself a week off and will start working out tomorrow after work again. I drove to my Dad's in Northern Nevada on Wed and hung out there with my Uncle until he left on Friday morning. I spent most of my vacation doing yard work for my mom and stepdad and at my Dad's house. Labours of love I call it. Its hard as your parents age and they cant do what they used to. I did alot of spring clean up in mom's yard and at dads, tons of weeding and maintance to help out my brother; he is the official owner of that house now and so it helps him out to work on it when I go there...he lives about 4 hours away so it takes a village to keep the place in tip top shape...nothing like what my dad did... but we can honour him by doing the best we can.
I stayed there alone for the first time ever Friday night. I will admit I was a bit freaked out. So much so that I smoked a lil maryjane and tried to relax. I kept waking up every few hours waiting for my dad to "appear" before me. You see, he died in the bathroom next to my room there and actually landed partially in the door way of my room (according the the report and stain patterns)... Being oa big fan of the Ghost Whisperer and believing that sometimes, people get stuck where they die, I was imaging crazy things! Nothing happened however... so thats nice.
I made it home last nite around 10pm. In my exhaustion, I had made a wrong turn in Lassen Park and added 1.5 hours to my drive. That sucked. Badly. my dog was about to jump ship and frankly, so was I.
Eventurally though we pulled into the driveway and I was so happy to be in my own bed...
Now, back to work tomorrow morning. The next big 'event' in my life is DC coming to the Northwest.
We are going to take a road trip to Vancouver for 2 days. He has gotten us a room at the new Fairmont Pacific Rim for 2 nights and we even get to take the Dogger! He called and asked... I dont have anyone to leave her with and he insisted we bring her... so, my dogger will be staying with us in a 5 star hotel. Huh. This outta be interesting.
Well, thats a story for another time... Right now? My tired eyes require sleep...
I got the to transition area and was shivering and dizzy. I heard others saying they were dizzy as well. By this time, i was in the last 1/4 of the people in the transition area. I know I would have been at least 10 min ahead had that incident not happened; I wouldnt change it however... Sometimes, we are called upon to do things where there is no choice, just reaction.
I finally got out of my wetsuit and my family was standing next to the transition zone the entire time filming me and talking... My mom had a look on her face like she thought I might pass out and my brother and his gf were giving me words of encouragement... I got my clothes on and got on my bike... thats when the 2nd leg of pain began.
The minute you get on the bike you have to ride up a slight grade. Sure, on a normal day it wouldnt have been all that bad but having just battled waters from THE DEADLIEST CATCH variety, saved a drowning senior citizen and ran up a hill... this was not a good sign. I was relieved to know I had my energy gel to eat. I was so dizzy that I had a hard time balancing on my bike to steer with one hand. I grabbed the energy packet and in the midst of tryin to tear it open with my teeth, I dropped the fucking thing on the ground. FUCK!
I about cried right then and there. As I mustered up enough energy to begin a serious climb, I looked up and saw the first of the pack already returning. WHAT?!!?!?! 11.5 miles already completed? If that wasnt a bit demoralizing, Im not sure what was. I gritted my teeth, said a prayer to every God I could muster up and pedalled. and pedalled. and pedalled some more. 11.5 miles to be exact. At the midpoint, I would probably say that I had lost my lust for life. I had just cruised down the most AMAZING hill ever... then I remembered": I have to ride back UP that damn hill. I wanted to quit but realized How? I couldnt quit because there was no one to pick up my ass with my bike. It was me and the hilly 5.5 miles back to the transition area. I had to do it. I had to get there and finish. It was at about 8 miles that my handle bars started to loosen up. Oh yea. The handlebars where coming lose from the Y-stem and were slipping back and forth. and rotating forward and backward. There was no way they could come off perse but It was making using the gears and brakes a tedious task. On top of the sheer exhausting task of pedaling up hill, I couldnt count on my handlebars to stay in one place! I mean, HULLO! what next?!
I *FINALLY* made it to the transition area. Spent and delerious by this point, I cruised in to hear my cheerleading squad giving me fevered encouragement. Now was the worst part for me: THE RUN.
I will preface this by saying that when I returned almost all the bikes were back on the racks and there were runners crossing the finish line already. I was listening to the announcer. I still had a good 45 minutes left. This was about what I calculated for the run/walk. I ran a mile, walked a mile or more... At that piont, I think there were probably 8 people between me and the last person to stroll over the finish line. At least I wasnt last i kept thinking. It was hot, I was tired and I just wanted to cross the end piont. I finally got there and I saw my stepdad taking my picture and I heard the announcer call out my number and people cheering! My brother met me on the other side of the finish line and I just remember thinking...I DID IT DAD...I DID IT! It was, afterall, for him and in his memory... being a 3 days from the 1 year anniversary of his death. I collapsed in my brother's arms and started to weep.
I had achieved a goal I had had for over 5 years. I had fnished despite the obstacles I encountered and the lack of training properly in the last 2 months. The most critical time.
I got my medal, I got my shirt and hat and snacks... and I walked away with the best smile Ive had in a long time. 2:31 was my time. My goal it to get to 2 hours. That is my next Triathlon in September. the Winner of this particular Tri finished in 1:34 and was 14! crazy!
My mom, stepdad, brother and his girlfriend and I all went to lunch in Napa. That was rpobably THE best pizza and salad ive ever eaten.
For the next 2 days, I couldnt eat enough food. I was totally famished but it was the best FAMISHED id ever felt. I loved the feeling of accomplishment. Especially for a phsycial challenge. Ive given myself a week off and will start working out tomorrow after work again. I drove to my Dad's in Northern Nevada on Wed and hung out there with my Uncle until he left on Friday morning. I spent most of my vacation doing yard work for my mom and stepdad and at my Dad's house. Labours of love I call it. Its hard as your parents age and they cant do what they used to. I did alot of spring clean up in mom's yard and at dads, tons of weeding and maintance to help out my brother; he is the official owner of that house now and so it helps him out to work on it when I go there...he lives about 4 hours away so it takes a village to keep the place in tip top shape...nothing like what my dad did... but we can honour him by doing the best we can.
I stayed there alone for the first time ever Friday night. I will admit I was a bit freaked out. So much so that I smoked a lil maryjane and tried to relax. I kept waking up every few hours waiting for my dad to "appear" before me. You see, he died in the bathroom next to my room there and actually landed partially in the door way of my room (according the the report and stain patterns)... Being oa big fan of the Ghost Whisperer and believing that sometimes, people get stuck where they die, I was imaging crazy things! Nothing happened however... so thats nice.
I made it home last nite around 10pm. In my exhaustion, I had made a wrong turn in Lassen Park and added 1.5 hours to my drive. That sucked. Badly. my dog was about to jump ship and frankly, so was I.
Eventurally though we pulled into the driveway and I was so happy to be in my own bed...
Now, back to work tomorrow morning. The next big 'event' in my life is DC coming to the Northwest.
We are going to take a road trip to Vancouver for 2 days. He has gotten us a room at the new Fairmont Pacific Rim for 2 nights and we even get to take the Dogger! He called and asked... I dont have anyone to leave her with and he insisted we bring her... so, my dogger will be staying with us in a 5 star hotel. Huh. This outta be interesting.
Well, thats a story for another time... Right now? My tired eyes require sleep...
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