An Education

I watched a rather powerful movie this weekend called "An Education".  A british flick with heavy accents and proper dress. A movie that had a strong lesson behind it that I found rather potent to me in this state of change and blind-curves ahead. It had many resinating undertones one of which was falling in love can blind us, can prey upon the naive heart that wants more than anything to believe in the good of another and more importantly, things are not always as they seem or presented to you.

The gist is that a young 17 year old girl falls in love with a 'knight n' shining armour'. He is smart, wealthy and romantic. She is swept off her feet and is too young to question what we, older women, might. Of course, it seems obvious at the end but to watch her struggle between the idea of being taken care of by a wealthy man that doesnt necessarily make a living honestly or to pursue a path that will further her along as a person and give her an education. The struggle she endures. I realized that we all have these struggles: Take the easy path if presented or, choose a bit more wisely and take the path that will lead to our own personal growth.

I can't say that I have been in those exact circumstances but I have encountered the 'taken' man, the choice to stay in a relationship that wasnt healthy for me because it would be easy to just become submissive rather than stand up for myself and the choice I am currently facing: Pursue an education or stay on my current path and be content in that. I have reached yet another proverbial fork. Well, I havent REACHED it yet but I see it in the distance. At this piont, I dont have any kids, no future "baby daddy" lurking and my career in at a crux. So, this leaves me where? I can relocate to california if I so choose. I can date like a mad woman and find someone that suits my "needs' whatever Those are or/and I can apply to grad school and pray I get in. Destin myself to a few years of sheer night-school hell and debt.  I feel like I have momentous decisions coming up. Although, If I look at it from another perspective... Perhaps the road will guide me to the natural path and I wont have to make any decisions, perse. Afterall, that has been my luck thus far. As if someone just plugged in a spotlight and pointed it to the 'right' decision for me.

Im not overly stressed about the current climate in my life. I guess Ive learned to roll with the punches.  Death, sickness, divorce, new job, loss of job, relocation... been there, done that. Triathlon -check! 2nd one in September... Fell in love again-Check... survived it--- check! Been unemployed--Check! Rehired by same employer-check! ... let go again by said-employer...Double Check!! At this piont, stress and worry is a wasted emotion best left in the closet. Im ok. My skin has grown thicker. My heart a bit more protective. My choices a bit more thought out, My lips have kissed with fever and my body wrapped around love. I have experienced sheer raw tenderness and I have been reminded that to love and share and be vulnerable is a beautiful thing if shared with someone you meld with. If only for a moment. I learned what it means to just BE. To not have to mold who I am to be accepted by another. To have someone completely SEE me for me and love that person. That Soul. I have cried the deepest pain I have yet to experience with the loss of my father. I have learned to mourn and accept and to let it just breathe. Ive been reminded that sex is sex and it can be fantastic but I much perfer emotional connection. Ive discovered my love for photography and that I have a talent for capturing that which seems ordinary and making it ... noticable. I have exposed my raw emotion thru writing. An art I had forgotten while I was busy conforming my being to match the needs of my ex husband.

I have learned forgiveness.

I have saved a life. I have swum, biked and run and crossed a finish line.  I have flown on a private jet, ate a privately chef-prepared meal at a Frank Lloyd Wright home on a table he designed.  Ive watched a mental breakdown happen, slept with a 'married' man. I have learned to speak my mind and not worry so much about what others think of me. To understand that not everyone will like you and Ive learned to be OK with that. Ive challenged my weaknesses and grasped tightly to my strengths. I have slept with the Army, Navy and Marines. I still perfer the Navy :) 

I have conquered thus far. 

and I guess that says alot.

My life... well, I guess you could say...

Its AN Education..