RANDOM GUY

Yesterday was a friend's rooftop deck party. I love meeting new people and she has an array of friends from differnt backrounds... all in all, a great time! It was a beautiful day here in the PNW adn the sun was setting the city on fire with gorgeous views and a few sunburned shoulders; a welcome experience after this unusually wet Spring.
;
Sidebar: Im sitting on my porch in the backyard writing this and the sun is causing a reflection on my screen. Its like typing into a mirror... and not when you necessarily want to see yourself..hangover and all...ugh!

I had a premonition about last night. It came true. Sometimes I wonder about my 'talent'... I thought about it a week ago... just a passing thought. That Chris (chip/baseball guy) would contact me this weekend... Since I was going to be downtown. He didnt know anything about the party... but he has an apt very close to where I was. Coincidence? One never knows. 

I havetn talked to him since I met him downtown that night and we walked the pier.  At about 4pm yesterday I got a text that said...HI.  i had forgotten about my 'feeling' till I heard my phone go off.  I knew instantly. Sure enough it was him. We texted bback and forth for awhile why i was getting dressed and then he calld and we chatted for a bit... He wanted to meet for a drink in Bellevue but since I was going to bein the city, we talked about meeting after the party.  After everything that has happened with Loveasuarus this week and DC talking with his family this weekend about how they would feel if he moved here to the PNW... well, entertianing a boy wasnt really somethign I wanted to deal with. Not to mention, im feeling OH SO *NOT* SEXY right now. I need to buckle down again with teh working out. Anyhow, I told him that I would text him when i was geting ready to leave the party. 

I didnt leave until around 10pm and by that time, I wasnt feeling into it. I had been drinking for like 5 hours and was finally sober and just wanted to go home and crawl into bed. I knew that if I texted him I would be out for hours and he would definitely want to hook up.  My heart is a little too raw to go there with someone new. I know I considered calling Navy Diver but I think that ws a gut reaction to my broken spirit/heart at what Loveasuarus had done.  Its only been a week and Im still working thru all that goes with losing someone you love dearly...both romantically and on an emotional/friendship level. Hooking up with Chip wouldnt be prudent. So, suffice it to say, I never called/texted.

At abotu 11pm he sent me a text...HI.  I didnt respond...then again at 1138 about how I must have had other ideas for the night and to get home safe and sleep well...  I just dont know what this guy wants. Something about it doesnt sit right with me. So, as much as I am attracted to him and we have made out a few times... my intuition is telling me otherwise. Its not like me to not want to hang out with a 6'5 hunk thats hot for me... maybe its the fact that he is such and hes into me...but i flat out told him that if he didnt want to date-date...i wasnt all that interested. I mean, HULLO. I am in love with one man that I shouldnt be adn that doesnt/cant/wont choose me but tells me he loves me... I have an amazing guy that I adore as a friend that treats me like a princess and has the inkling of a future that we could share and is thinking of moving across the country to try things and some hot hunky ex semi pro baseball player that wants to fuck me but I cant really trust for some unknown reason. Getting physically involved with Chris/Chip isnt really a good idea. Its fun to makeout but if i continue down that path, I wont be able to deny the situacion much longer. Loveasaurs even told me once that he didnt trust /like the guy. Probably b'c he wanted to get in my pants..lol

I wish Loveasuarus and I could at least talk. Ive posted a few things and there was a response or 2 but I think there was one that was him... not sure. I feel like I didnt get closure. I dont know. I cried while driving home last night about it. Im not good with saying good bye and losing someone important to me...lover or friend.

Here comes the wind....hmmmm....

the sun feels good on my face. I think im going to goto the gym today. a bit later. Wash my car and let zen swim in her pool on th front lawn. 

My mother has been acting up again this weekend. i had to delete her from my facebook. Fucking crazy bullshit.  I had to explain to Dc and thankfully, he gets it... its just embarrassing when your mother is a wack.

Zen is sleeping in the sun, I hear the deer in the backround trumping thru the woods eating...and the bugs are buzzing and birds singing... There is Peace in my immediate world.

I love this moment.