Drift

Im exhausted. It was a busy day at work with trying to get my projects to a 'take over' stage and with the long list of crap I had to get done before DC arrives Thursday nite... I havent even shaved my legs...or anything else for that matter. I feel like im a wreck.  Im such a perfectionist when it comes to someone staying wtih me.  I want things to be clean and cozy. Ammenties in the fridge, their favorite drink, snacks...etc. I made dinner for tomorrow night so when we get home from the airport I can just throw it in the oven. I got off work and couldnt stop yawning. In fact, im still yawning. I went to the bank and then to Starbucks @Target before I started my errands. I wanted to go shop a bit and find a few new items for Vancouver but I ran out of time.  The last few nights I barely did any cleaning.

I finished my trip to Target...130 bucks later, a new top and some jewelry. I ran home, changed and fetched Zen for a car ride to the grocery store.  I tried to make that as quick as possible and got everything I needed and ventured home to cook and finish cleaning. At this piont, im so exhausted that i think I will leave at 4pm tomorrow and finish up before he touches down at 615pm. Sheets and everything is clean I just need to vacuum and do some last minute crap. We will be here Thurs and Fri nites and Sat/Sun is Vancouver and then Back here on Monday.  I wanted to goto Northwest Trek but i realized just now that we will be driving home from Vancouver Monday. That wont work. I suppose we will just lay low and then hit Saltys for dinner...He heads home on Tuesday afternoon.

In work news, its a great thing im friends with the HR person because she came and whispered in my ear that my boss told her that my last day would be June 3 or 4th. Huh. WHen I asked her Monday...she gave me some shit answer. I told her I didnt want to be surprised. I wonder if they dont do that shit to prevent people from sabotaging crap. Like I would do that but...its just fucked up. Shes dishonest but doesnt realize im friends with the HR lady so I have the inside scoop. She asked me today about jobs and work. I told her there were jobs out there and especially in Cali.... She was feeling me out. I honestly think she doesnt want to lose me and I have some sort of control in this situation I just dont know the level to which it exists. Huh.

I got this great email from Pam at work. She's my Triathlete friend and the Controller at my company.  We actually hit it off pretty well and yesterday she sent me this email..:

"You are so great and you are a great writer! I love to read your e-mails… It is so funny to see this flip it person who is full of funny and sarcasms yet is VERY insightful and VERY down to earth… just makes you so great."

this was a very sweet thing to read. I love when I meet friends that GET IT. Simply.  Like with Loveasuaraus.  We see things very similarly when it comes to Sprituality and theory and philosophy and the like... I have that with Pam. its nice. 

Im so tired right now...I need to sleep.

My love wrote me a short simple email today that had this wierd sad undertone. Something about hoping my wekeend goes well and turns into everything I hoped it would...or some such thing.  One long sentence. It was almost...meloncoly. This is curious to me because part of me thinks he should know that I think about him falling asleep and being in love with another woman...everyday he wakes up with someone else and has a family with this person... as he puts it...there are many types of loves...

I wonder how he defines ours....

For now, Ill just drift with the words he spoke to me that replay in my head every once in awhile from that evening we shared. so for now,

Just Him. Just Love. Just Friends.Just Growth.

Always.