3:33AM

Thats exactly when I awoke.  That is a significant number to many. I see it often.  Last night was a rough night of sleep. I guess all the emotional stuff left me restless. probably didnt help taht I loaded up on caffeine all night. I must be fighting some sort of bug b'c I have a few cankersores in my mouth. Gross I know but always a sign that my body is struggling.  I swam yesterday and didnt do much else until later when I had to drive to Madison park to drop off my rent. Ventured to Target but I felt all the lust for life was sort of sucked out of my body yesterday . Been a really long time since Ive felt that way.  I hope he's happy with his decision to just disgard our friendship like some old sweater he didnt want anymore. This time around, I wont forgive him for it. Ive always been understanding and caring and forgiving in the long term run of Us... this time... he did what I asked him NOT to do... what he promised he wouldnt do... he DID. Im tired of being so fucking understanding with his secrets and issues and life.

DC asked me what was wrong last night. At first, I didnt want to tell him but I dont/cant lie very well and so... he got it out of me. I gave him the abridged version. He told me he was glad that I told him... and that he said he felt like he has always jerked me around. He doesnt know much about Loveasaurus other than we slept together for a long time and were always really great friends.  He was really understanding about it but said it was probably for the best. It still was wierd to talk to DC about it. I tried to avoid it for awhile during the conversatino but he eventually got it out of me...

So, Last nite i just laid in bed for like 2 hours. Trying to fall back to sleep. My mind whirling. My heart pounding. I could of swore that my dad was in the room with me. I was feeling so alone and having a sense of abondonment as I lay there. It seems that Loveasuarus did exactly what i knew he would. He left.  He abondoned our friendship selfishly. He made a comment that he needed to heal... from WHAT?! Loving me? knowing me? as if it was a horrible thing. knowing me. How do you care about someoen and just disgard them from your life?

I guess I dont roll that way. I never have. I never will.  I dont treat people like disposable items. Apparently he does. Im just another girl he ran across... just another girl he didnt want to be in his life anymore.

I wont be treated that way. 

so this is the last entry with any reference to him.  You teach people how to treat you. And, in case you read this...

You have lost my friendship.  Your action of closing your acct was hurtful. Like you knew it would be. You purposefully did it to hurt me. It was cruel and mean.  It doesnt make you a man in my book. it makes you a coward.

Im out.