ROADTRIP

sO, I am packed (almost) and ready to hit the road come 430am. I ran around for like 3 hours after work doing last minute stuff like an oil change and returning some things. And, it was pouring like a hurricane out there. Sometimes, the clouds are so dark I expect a tornado to drop from the sky. Its so bizarre!

The day was so flipping long.  I got rid of the married guy that was trying to get into my pants. Enough is enough. He was fun to email with periodically but he didnt get that we wouldnt be sleeping together. EVER.  I didnt email with Rex very much. I was busy and I assume he was...moving his paperclips from one cube to another. I tried to be as responsible as possible before I left for vacation but I have to admit, part of me didnt give a flying Fig what goes wrong while im gone. My project "wrap up" was 1/2 assed at best. Honestly? its the least of my worries.

So, DC isnt coming for my race but he has decided to come see me for the Memorial weekend holiday. I have a feeling hes swamped at work and there are some big things going on and he cant necessarily tell me that stuff...so he finds ways around it.  Anyway, we talked on and off during the day trying to figure out what to do about the dog and spending the weekend in Vancouver BC. Im really glad he loves to travel and explore! Thats right up my alley... Whats interesting is that my close friend and her husband and her sis and sister's bf are going to be in Vancouver that weekend too! They are bringing their golden retriever as well... DC was insistent that we could bring the dogger.  mostly because I dont want to leave her at Petsmart...its fine for one nite but 2 full days is a bit much.  And, my friend thats going to BC that weekend as well is my only dog sitter.  So, DC took on the task of finding a 4 or 5 star hotel that takes dogs. Fortuntaely he loves dogs and everyone falls in love with Dogger so... he called around and we both decided it might be wierd to stay at the same dog friendly hotel as my friends....

leave it to DC and his expensive taste.  The Fairmont Pacific Rim it is....harbor view with panoramic windows! A lil' tidbit....im related to the family that started the Fairmont hotel dynasty...so this is kinda fun! Im not even CLOSE to be in that money realm but its fun to know ppl with that sort of wealth! We are staying on Sat and Sun nite...adn driving back Monday.  Im really excited...I feel kinda spoiled....and well....its nice to have a man treat me so well.... thats just DC's style... he likes to go big when he travels places.... Im nervous though....
the whole...sex thing...kissing thing....wowa............... who knows.....I just know we had tons of fun last time we travelled together so im sure this will be a blast too! yippy!!!!

May is a bad month for me due to many reasons. I got married in May, I got divorced. My ex got REMARRIED in may, My dad died in May and my lease expires in may. LOL...we had talked about this and he decided he wanted May to have a happy memory.... He will be here from Wed Nite thru the following Tues morning... Lots of exploring to be had!!! I love being a host and a tour guide! So much fun!

anyhow.>I need to get to bed..I have an early alarm clock ...and a loooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnng drive.........

until we meet again.... Cali bound!

Expectations

We all have them. Of ourselves, of other people, of situations... of course, most expectations have a downfall attached: MOST FAIL. Most Fall short. Most can be disappointing and therefore, keeping one's expectations in check is important. I bring this up because my week has been filled with them.
First off, im battling the personal expectations I have put on myself and my achievement with my upcoming Triathlon.  Being that its something I have wanted to do for over 5 years, my level of personal achievement is a bit high on the graph. like.... RED ZONE. This is actually a downfall in my character because I tend to have this overwhelming paralyzing sense of looming failure b'c of the level of expectation I have built up internally. Everyone keeps telling me that I dont need to win or that im not doing it to compete but to finish. This is a very true statement but at the same time, I think I am one of those people that will prepare diligently and with heart and determination until it gets close and then I tend to back off and almost self-sabotage. Ive been trying to figure out why I have been slacking. Of course, then I look in the mirror and I dont see an athlete's body. Not like what i used to have when i was athletic in my 20's... Getting older sucks but its no excuse for loosy goosy thighs! I want to be a triathlete. I hard bodied woman that is still soft and curvy. Hmmmm. Of course, after I put on the OH SO FLATTERING bike shorts with padded ass and shiny material, I felt like a Killer Orca Whale trying to look sexy. Lets just say: The shorts are going back and Im going with my back up plan of a gel seat and just shorts to ride and bike in. I need to let go of my social fears of NOT FITTING IN in regards to outfitting my apparel. THE PRESSURE! I bet you never thought of it all! nope!

So, the 2nd expecation that has come to roost in let down is DC flying out to watch the raise and hang out in San Fran for 4 days with me.  Im not going to go into detail but its either work related or something else he wont talk about.  I honestly dont think it has one ounce of truth to the story of his stepmom. Perhaps Im just being a neysayer but ... something is fishy.  Of course, this leads to my mother lending her "opinons" of him left and right.  Shes a pretty harsh person when it comes to men in my life. I suppose no one is good enough. She even made a post to him on Facebook that was sort of insulting. I called her IMMEDIATELY  and told her to take it down. And its no wonder Ive said mutliple times I dont want to bring boyfriends home... and HES NOT EVEN MY *BOYFRIEND*!!! hes a friend.good god... My ex thought my mom was a bit of a wack job....and sometimes, she reinforces it to even me. Its like monitoring a child sometimes.

So, we just talked on the phone and He wanted to meet for Memorial day weekend instead. Unfortunately, the drive for me is horrerndous to do in a 30 day span. He wanted to get a nice hotel and stay and play... his treat of course.... we agreed that he will change his ticket to come to my city instead.  He wants to get some ritzy hotel someplace either in my city or maybe in Vancouver for a few nights.  He really likes to go all out when he travels... I could get used to that aspect I guess... but at any rate... Im never one to feel comfy with someone spending exorbinate amounts of money on me... hmmmm... i told him we could just stay at this super nice hotel in my City on the waterfront...its old and established.... I think he has something up his sleeve.... So, he said he would fly in Wed Nite and leave Tuesday morning...hmmmmm again.

There is this apprehension with this situation b'c we have never been physical on any sort of level other than a hug and sort of cuddling in bed when falling asleep. I just told Rex this morning that I didnt know if DC made good boyfriend material cuz hes kinda unreliable.... i guess ill just have to wait and see whats going on.
Someone needs to step up! I cant handle all this inconsistency anymore!   The only thing that is ever stable in my relationship with Unattainable Rex... and thats not even stable. *sigh*. WHere in the HELL are all the normal men? I ask you.

I have so much shit to do including walking the dog so I will bid adieu....
Until then, keep your expectations low, that way you are always pleasantly surprised when things work out for the best!

Dreams

Wow. Last night's dreams were definitely up there with the anxiety and rejection flags. I had this dream that all my friends had rejected me. They didnt want me around them or near them or living with them. It was full of arguing and sadness.

Now, there are a few things going on here I think. The first is that Im having SEVERE heart palpitating anxiety about my race. I think Im having this because I have family thats going to be there watching.  My family can be.... judgemental. At least my therapist thinks thats part of the reason I fear failure so much and im definitely SO hard on myself. Primarily about my physical-ness. I was always athletic in my younger years and as I grew older, my weight has always been an issue primarily for my mother. Whats funny about that is that shes not skinny!! Its always been her 'tool' to sort of try and control my emotional state. Odd. So, ive been feeling great about myself physically and I havent lost a ton of weight but Ive grown stronger and more toned.  I guess that I dont want to fail so brilliantly in front of my family. I know they wont say I failed but more to the point they are proud of me. There is just those issues that come to the forefront when it comes to being around your family.  its one of the MAIN reasons I struggle with moving back home.

I find myself over evaluating my body. Putting on my bike shorts worrying what I look like. Do I look like a fat cow or ridiculous? How can I feel good about how I look during this whole process. There will be all shapes and sizes, I know. Im just vain I guess. If thats what we call it.

I have alot to do and Im just having some sort of paralyzing walls being thrown up psychologically. Ugh!!!!

I just need to DO it. God. Its almost time to get ready for work. I will swim at lunch. I do feel good about myself while im in the pool which is such a dicotomy b'c im in a bathing suit but there are men that check me out. Rex always said im too hard on myself. Probably true. I want a fit tight body again. dammit!

Weekend Musings.

This weekend was...  logistical. My triathlon is next Sunday and by this time on May 2nd I will have finished it! I spent all day Saturday running around spending copius amounts of money buying the rest of my gear. Funny how fast $400 dollars can burn a hole in your wallet. I cant even have buyers remorse becuase I need it all. Ugh. But, on the brighter side, I have everything I need to be a full triathlete... if only for one day. *breathe*.

I was up like clock work both Saturday and Sunday thanks to Zen the Lab. She just doesnt get the point that its a weekend and I should sleep in until at LEAST 8am. While I was unemployed I had her sleeping until at least that time... damn. At any rate, I was dressed and out the door by 10am and looking for tight fitting bike shorts with padding in the ass isnt all that fun;either is spending 41 dollars on a sports bra. I think I should just take up rollarblading and give up on this whole....MULTI discpline pursuit of endurance. hell, I have have sex for hours straight, I should be able to finish this...I was able to come home and take a nap, goto the gym where I rode 8 miles and walked 1 mile...um....this could be an issue because I need to RUN 3miles. hence my fear.Perhaps I can hire someone to chase me with a chainsaw for 3 miles. The thought has crossed my mind.

My girlfriend was having a seafood fest at her house Saturday nite so I brought the obligatory bottle of wine and crab crackers and the dog. Shes an amazing cook and I ate way too much food... I really dont remember even driving home the food coma was so thick.  I was happy though! Eating seafood is deceptive. you dont think you are eating that much until all of a sudden you need to vomit. who knew that crab could fill up your belly like rice! amazing really.

Today I was up at the buttass crack of dawn AGAIN. I messed around on Facebook for about 3 hours. You may ask what someone DOES on Facebook for that amount of time. Well, let me tell you. You reorganize and redesign your FARMVILLE FARM. um. yea. Being a designer sometimes sucks because you get these bouts of creative energy and that seemed mindless and filled the ticket. I have to say, its nicely redone! haha...of course, I told DC this while we were talking on the phone at 9am..he was shopping at the grocery store entertaining me with his purchases and I was telling him about my make believe farm. Odd conversation...but always full of laughter :) I then mustered up enough energy to take zen for a walk and then came back watched a movie...' BECAUSE I SAID SO'... reminds me of my life actually and then proceeded to take a 2 hour nap on the sofa... dreaming of Rex. huh. it was about 4pm so Zen and I walked again and I actually ran across my neighbor...shes 23 and a single mom and we ended up shootin the shit for about an hour out front. For 23, shes very mature and we had a nice convo. I filled her in on the gossip about the neighborhood and we agreed to hang out and drink wine when I get back from my travels...I totally understand the mystery behind her life now... for awhile I couldnt figure out WHAT THE HELL was going on because she was coming and going in different cars...its all sorted out and I feel much better about it. She porbably thinks im a peeping neighbor but im just observant. gotta be when you are a single woman living alone...and by the by...on the prowl!

So its 8pm and the dog and cat are passed out and its time to get ready for my work week of 3 days. So much to do. I shoudl probably start prepping... im just a procrastinator... hell, I had amazing sex on thursday, great food last nite and im going to be accomplishing a goal that ive wanted to complete for at least 5 years...

its going to be a full week!

in the reality of it all, Im blessed. To be loved, to love and to be living a life where my complications are few. If only I could have the one that is dear to me... things would be perfect....

Alas, nothing is perfect including my toenail polish...

which reminds me.... orange or green for my race?
hmhmmmm

A history on my love life... Thus Far

Its probably a good thing to start off with a brief description on my love life thus far. So, Im gonna back track a few years and set the stage. (steps in time machine)... here goes....

I AM DIVORCED.  It has been 3 years this March.  Dated for ex husband for 2 years, married for 3 and now divorced for just as long. Time flies.  My ex, according to the family rumor mill, is remarried as of Last May 2009 and has a daughter. He didnt waste any time, obviously. He also is said to be living in China working on his PhD. Good. the further away the better.  We spent our married years living in Las Vegas and as soon as my divorce took place, I got the hell out of Dodge... or Vegas as it were. Fun place to visit...
odd place to live. Oh how I had forgotten that not everyone looks like a stripper shopping at Walmart. The things I saw... I could probably write a Dr. Suess book-- the ADULT version.. but I digress.

Jumping forward a year or so, I was a consummate writer on Craigslist Missed Connections. Mostly I read for entertainment while bored and would post my writings on there for feedback etc.  I had met some really cool people and got roped into some scary shit too. The one thing that did happen to me is that I met a man that moved me and helped me learn to love again... and, helped me regain my sense of self through an amazing friendship that eventually morphed into a intimate relationship of sorts. I will call him .. Rex.

I wont go into much detail about Rex other than to say it was a situation that was complicated, loving, friendship and laughter and ultimately.. unattainable in any long term sense. We have carried on this relationship of sorts for close to 2 years. A bond that will remain inside of me for a very long time. Obviously, I fell in love with him and with the ending predetermined... we have recently come to grips with the fact that we cannot continue on a path that has a dead end. At least because of his circumstances being as they are. And, NO he is not married.

Last Thursday we hung out and in my heart, I feel it was probably the last time.  We were vulnerable and open with each other on a level that we would rarely travel to but the fact that he took it there told me that he needed to tell me his heart so that I would know the depth of what I've always known... and vice versa. Why it has taken us 2 years to truely SAY these things aloud is a mystery but most of our daily communcations are via email and our situation has always taken the path of words and writing... both of which are dear to both of us. So, it always worked as a written relationship of sorts. The detail is too much to go into but... he has become my best friend and best lover and I will miss him everyday of my life... He has been a staple in my day and knows me intuitively well. He is one of the few that I have allowed myself to be that vulnerable with... So.. when I mention Rex... he is the one that holds my heart... and he knows that.

Other than Rex, I havent really had a good solid relationship since my divorce. Which sort of irks me becuase obviously my ex husband was able to find, date,marry and impregnate a woman in a span of 2 years...its up for debate if the latter two actions were reversed or not. Im competitive and of course this leads me to wonder what the HELL is wrong with me. As you will read in this blog, I am very self analytical and I like to self assess and evaluate constantly. I even drive myself crazy!

I have been on dating sites on and off since my divorce. Ive gone out with dozens of men on first dates. Some seconds and a handful of thirds. The thing is... I know what im looking for, im picky and I refuse to settle for certain things... a conversation that Rex and I have been having as of late. SETTLING. Whats that really mean?! He believes everyone does it... Even I did with him on some levels... and, im sure he did with ME on others.  So, his point is well backed but where do we drawn the line at 'settling'?

Ive been trying to figure out this conundrum for a long time.  Had I settled with one of the many guys Ive gone out with, I could probably be married with a child at this point.  There are certain things I WONT settle on however. KISSING, INTELECT, or SENSE OF HUMOR. If a man can make me laugh and is smarter than all get out and can kiss me and make me melt like a stick of butter on a hot Vegas day... well then, Im his... Rex was all these things... I have yet to find the TRIFECTA again. I will continue to pursue.

I am currently not really dating at all.  At least not via a dating site. I have been 'celibate' for 2 months now in regards to dating.  I was doing so much of it that I began to get bored and it was more of a task than an enjoyable duty. That is not to say that there arent men lurking in the bushes of my past. I have two potentials out and about. Lets discuss.


First, there is  the ex minor league pitcher with whom I have amazing chemistry and met on the dating site...Ill call him...'Baseball'/BB for short.  BB and I met back in Sept and went on one date. He is my 'ideal'  man physically. 6'5, built, dark hair, green eyes and just really handsome. Apparently, im his type as well.. in his words im the total package that he digs: phsycially and im smart and witty. huh. go figure. We went for coffee and a movie on our first date and it was IMMEDIATE chemistry from the start. I wanted to stand near this guy, touch him and just... well... ya.   In the movie we held hands like we had been dating for months and it was just comfortable... a rarity for me. We have pretty explosive chemistry but he has always been very elusive in regards to us totally dating. We have remained in contact via email, texting, chatting and the occasional phone call and have gone to dinner a few times. Here's where it gets wierd. I know he wants to sleep with me and I with him but I never let it go THERE.  So, ive decided to change my tactics. He likes to chase and likes to be chased. So Do I.  This leads to no one catching anyone. Its just sheer entertainment on a random basis. Hes also a small town boy... which I dig.

Then there is a guy I met by happenstance thru Craigslist while reading the WA DC site... why I was reading there is a long story for another time...but I was.  He wrote this amazing post that was dark, hysterical and well...Dark. I wrote him personally and we started up conversation that eventually led to phone calls and emails.... this was over a year ago.  He is know one of my dearest friends. Thing is, we live on opposite sides of the country.  I flew out to meet him last Dec for the first time for 10 days. We had an amazing time b'c I hadnt ever been to DC and he took me for a whirlwind adventure via Amatrak to NYC for 2 days! It was amazing and he paid for everything and just treated me like a princess. INterestingly enough. We never kissed nor had any intimate contact. Even after sleepin in the same bed for that amount of time. Something Rex found odd ... which makes me laugh.  Rex always gives me advice about the men I date. He knows the details... our relationship is like that. He being one of my dearest friends, Ive always told him everything...probably stuff I shoudlnt have but its hard not to be totally candid with him... and I dont have many secrets so.... i tell.  After that trip, DC and I have still remained very close friends and we talk almost everyday on teh phone... We have 1/2 assed talked about getting married b'c we can exist together so well. We click personality wise and are both pretty laid back people. He is suppose to fly out this thursday to the SF bay area to see my first Triathlon but due to family circumstances, thats up in the air now. 

So, other than that... my life has consisted of no solid romantic relationships, a lover I am in love with but cant have, a guy im totally drawn to thats odd and eulusive and a great close friend that I would consider dating that lives on teh opposite side of the country. Huh. The webs we weave.

I have decided to see what transpires with DC if he does indeed come to california to watch my race and as a secondary measure, meet my family.... Hes a computer software developer and so very different than my ex husband... in fact, both Rex and he are in that industry... curious. Oh and so is Baseball.

The gods are trying to tell me something. Not sure what that is though!

I wonder if its too late to be a Nun...

THE CLINIQUE COUNTER (FICTION) ...his perception....

OBSERVING YOU AT THE CLINIQUE COUNTER, MYSTERIOUS BEAUTY...



It was around 12:30pm, Lunchtime for the infamous Seattlelites I have grown to admire in lyrical humour. I travel here often from the East Coast to conduct business in, of course, the tech field. In all my travels here, I have never stayed down in the shopping district South of Downtown. I wanted a new venue, new sights and resturants to try. Sometimes, the East Side mentality wears on a fella. Having just arrived in and hungry, I ventured over to the mall in hopes of locating a rather tasty food establishment. Unfortunately, as I was driving from the airport in my less-than-stellar rental car, I spilled my coffee all over my new tie. Figures, I thought. Luckily, I spotted the mall and a department store I sometimes frequent when I am in NYC. So, reluctantly, I parked and meandered inside. Unknowningly, I ended up entering through the Cosmetic Department of the store. What fortune, I thought! I happen to have a secret fetish with this area of the store... odd, but true.
There I stood. The crisp white tile under my polished black dress shoes and the sights and smells of yet unseen beautiful women lingering about, I found myself smiling. I am always transfixed when I enter this area of the store for a good 5 minutes. It happens every time for reasons I cannot even define; I just know I love it there. I opened my eyes a bit wider to allow myself to take in all that stood before me. Lancome and Este Lauder, Clinique and MAC. All the wondereous companies that create and enhance the fine creatures of our earth known as women. I know this sounds overly poetic but the aire about this area of the store brings out my imagination and desire to inhale deeply.
WOMEN. I love them. Always have with a sort of admiration and adoration. There is a difference you know. I slowly started to move through the area and listened to the rhythmatic tone of my heels on the newly cleaned floors. The perfect music for the perfect experience. I was glancing around and checking out the women in the department. The counter ladies are always well kempt and pull together with perfect features and, of course, perfect makeup. I don’t like a lot of makeup on a woman but if done correctly, it can emphasize her features perfectly.
I was slowly moving in the direction of the Men’s dept when I saw her. I mean, REALLY saw her. I had caught her profile when I first entered the store but in my sense of urgency to take it all in, I had lost track of where she had gone. I stood there as nonchalant as I could be and just watched as she casually strolled thru the Clinique department in her black tight, black flared skirt, boots and perfect coiffe of a ponytail. Sleek. Professional. Unassuming and obviously distracted with all the choices before her.
At one point, she must have felt eyes on her because she looked up and caught my eye, smiled and went back to her task at hand. Obviously on her lunch break, she was graceful in her approach to what she was looking at. I was drawn to her movements. There was something about this woman that caused me to pause and stare. Sure, she was sexy and refined but it was more her essence and being that was hypnotizing every inch of my body. I tried to look busy and pretend I was smelling perfumes. I must say, some of them are horrid. I think she might have caught me as I disliked a few.
At this point, I think she had become aware of my staring issue because I caught her looking my way more than once. I figured one of 2 things were going on being that well mannered demeanor. First, she just thought I was checking her out and would glance periodically in my direction or, secondly… she might have found Me slightly attractive…I am hoping for the second. The cosmetic lady must have convinced her to sit down and have something applied because when I looked up again, she was climbing up into the stool next to the counter. I was mesmorized by her legs. Perfectly covered in the darkest, opaque black tights. Knee high boots met her knee and about 2 inches up was the flare of a very flirty skirt. My favorite look on a woman! I was hooked!
I slowly started to creep around the edge of the counter and found myself about 10 feet away. By this point, I could hear the sales lady, Sophia on her name tag, trying to upsell this mysterious tights-wearing woman and they were chatting and laughing together. I got a bit closer and as Sophia began to apply a beautiful plum eye shadow, I said to the mysterious woman, “that is very alluring on you”…
I think that took her off guard because she looked at my like a deer in headlights and then told me thank you. She then proceeded to ask me if I wanted to sit and watch… she was fine with that if that was the case. I couldn’t believe my luck! This beautiful stranger was allowing me to watch someone apply makeup to her. This was my fetish filled fantasy come true! I was floored and climbed onto the stool next to her. I felt my fingers graze her knee as I moved in to the chair and this bolt of electricity moved through my body… I almost gasped. I think she must have felt it too because we both looked a bit stunned but almost turned on. I sat and watched in silence as Sophia worked her well tuned brush across her eyelids.
By this time, the need to touch her was becoming an overwhelming sensation. I could feel her energy and her breathing increase as I tested the waters. I casually made a comment and touched her knee. Her black tights were smooth and hugged her legs perfectly. My hand lingered on her knee and she never flinched. I let gravity take its way and my hand ended up resting on her knee. There was no uncomfortable movement but more an exhilleration that escaped her lips as I moved my fingers along the edge of her skirt. I have never been so blazen in all my life! This woman was drawing me in and as I sat there, dumbfounded by my actions, I was becoming more and more turned on in her presence.
I felt my cock filling with blood and a sense of lightheaded euphoria run through my body. I wanted to take her there. Prop her up on the clean perfectly cleaned glass counter top, pull down her tights and consume her without consent or words. I breathed.
I slowly let my fingers ride the edge of her black skirt and move on under the soft fabric. The top of her thigh was strong like a runner perhaps. I felt her goosebumps and the quiver she so quickly tried to control. Sophia was amazingly ignorant of this blantant sexual deviance that was occurring without words between two complete strangers. Hell, I WAS SHOCKED!
I felt my body temperature rising and I knew that it had to be getting close to the end of lunch for this dark haired beauty and as if she was reading my mind, she told Sophia she had to get going. I slipped my hand from her thigh as she moved to get up and followed her to the counter. I had every intent on paying for her purchases by this point because the experience alone was worth more than any makeup. I reached quickly for my American Express and slapped it on the counter, putting my finger to my lips to motion to her that no objections were needed. It was definitely on me. Like I wanted Her to be in less than 30 minutes if I could help it.
The purchase was complete and I grabbed her hand. No words were spoken. She seemed dumbfounded but almost overjoyed that we apparently had the same thoughts coursing through our minds and more importantly, our bodies.
She grabbed her phone quickly from her purse and left a message that she wasn’t feeling well and was indeed headed home. With that, she hung up and turned the phone off. I grabbed her hand tighter and with her in tow, we headed for the door…
I never did get that new tie…

THE CLINIQUE COUNTER (FICTION) ... or is it?

I wrote this post based on an old lover's fantasy... I have a female perspective and a male one... this is the Female (obviously)



You observing me at the Clinique Counter -



... I was dressed to the hilt yesterday in black tights, tall black leather boots, black t-neck and fluid flared black skirt. My hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail that sat high on my head. I was scurrying thru the dept store when I spotted you. Dressed casually and seemingly lost amongst the experienced women shoppers, you slowly meandered your way along the crisp white tiled floor. Having only an hour for lunch, I had run to the mall to fetch a new lipstick and other accruements that a woman might need. Today, in particular, I decided to try a new eye shadow. The sales lady dressed in all black as well but sporting a while lab-style coat, escorted me to the high stool where I climbed up semi gracefully and sat cross legged and giggling. I always felt like a girl trying make up for the first time when I sit in that stool. Youthful and carefree.


I had forgotten about your presence until you happened upon me sitting there. I watched you for a moment as you perused the counters. I found it slightly interesting that a man would be meandering thru the makeup counter section when most would scurry through without noticing a detail. You, on the other hand, seemed to find great pleasure in the clear, crisp surroundings of perfume bottles and endless shades of lipstick and foundations. I could tell by your ever present glancing in my direction that you were not a cross dresser by night but rather an admirer of beautiful women. The makeup lady was happily trying to conjure up new and exciting ways to sell me a 4-colorway of "nightwear" eye shadows and I haphazardly joked along with her, all the while keeping my eye on the ball-You.


There was something about your swagger, your stride, your confidence that I found sexy and intriguing. You were boyishly handsome yet unassuming and almost a ghost as you strolled. It was as if no one else noticed you but me. You circled around the counter and landed in direct line of fire, right in front of me. There, you stood and casually smelled the perfumes; making a few awkward faces at ones you obviously found displeasure in. This made me smile a few times. By this time, Sofia, the Clinique sales lady had convinced me to remove all my makeup and reapply. I think she was bored and I was so lost in watching you- I agreed. Slowly, you looked up and caught my eye and smiled. Your face lit up when you smiled. A boyish grin that sent shivers down my backside and caused me to look away like a school girl. I shifted and re-crossed my black legging-clad thighs in nervousness. You noticed and smiled again. I was hooked.


The world seemed to slow down and disappear all in one glance from you. Something I am not used to experiencing as often anymore. Call it being jaded or ... what-have-you but it takes powerful chemistry to make me blush and have cause to pause with a man. I felt comfortable as you slid in closer to watch the lady apply my makeup. Odd because in normal circumstances I would have felt embarrassed or, rather irritated by such direct fodder but with you there was a comfort in your presence; as if I had known you all my life. You approached us with confidence and told me that you really liked the shade of eye shadow she had applied; you mentioned it was 'alluring'. You smiled that boyish grin and we made small talk of which I don’t recall because I was so drawn to you I could have been sitting naked in traffic and not known. You asked if I would mind if you watched just out of curiosity and I told you of course not. You stood there, enthralled with the process and although she wasn’t applying pounds of makeup, it seemed to oddly turn you on. I watched you shift in your shoes a few times and I might have even caught a glimmer of a flirtaeous blush hidden behind the controlled debonair facade you portrayed. I saw right thru it actually. I realized in an instant, you had a bit of a fetish with this scenario. Being a keen intuitive and observant sexually aware woman does come in handy now and then.


I will admit this turned me on a bit. After a few moments, I insisted you sit down next to me in the vacant stool. It had been at least 15 minutes of silence and you obliged me. I didn’t realize how close the stool really was until our knees touched as you sat. I felt this sting of electricity pass from my knees and up my inner thighs. You must have felt it to because I caught a glimpse of you trying to catch my eye. Of course, I might have been mistaken as she was applying a deep green eye liner to match my gray eyes. The Clinique lady didn’t know anything odd was happening in her presence. Perhaps it was because she was young and focused. She was almost unaware that we seemed be strangers. She just glanced and smiled at you and continued on with her artistry and rambling about product. After awhile, her voice became white noise as we flirted without words.


It didn’t take long for your fingertips to slowly graze my knee. I looked down hopeful that you would let them linger and you did. Eventually, your palm was resting on my knee. I felt my body temperature rise and a slow ache rose up my body. What was this feeling? I had never felt such chemistry or had such a physical reaction to someone; at least that I could recall in the recent past. I welcomed your direct, not so subtle flirtation. Sophia turned her back to you as she applied the other eye and as she did, you moved your hand slightly high on my thigh; slipping your fingers underneath the fine edge of my skirt. I now had goose bumps. Never before had I experienced anything like this but I wanted your hand to keep moving no matter we were in a public area with a woman standing over me and you, a stranger of sorts.


Your slow methodical caressing of my inner thigh with your fingertips was turning me on to no end. I had never considered fucking a complete stranger but with you, I had no other option but to skip the rest of the work day and hole up in the Hotel across the street. It seemed reasonable and well, necessary by this point. We never really made small talk and I just stared into your green eyes with lust. Your gentle nature and forced eye contact told me in no uncertain terms that we would be making love in less than an hour from now. I would not let you disappear from this dept store without me in tow.


Sophia finished up and glanced over at you and laughed mentioning she didn’t realize you were still there. As you had sensed her begin to turn you removed your hand from my skirt and let it rest on my hand ever so casually. Sophia made a comment about your girlfriend looking too hot to just go home tonight and you should definitely take me to dinner after the workday. You confidently made a casual joke and we all laughed easily. In your eyes, you had other intentions. By what was going on between my thighs, so did I.


I agreed to purchase the eye shadow along with the replacement lipstick I was originally there for and as I went to pay, you slapped down your American Express Platinum and put your finger to your lips quieting my obvious need to object. I knew we weren’t done and that this was only the beginning. As you signed the receipt, you winked at me. I noticed I stood a little taller than you in my 3 inch boots; something that normally would make me uncomfortable as I am a tall woman anyhow and you were about 5'8" give or take. This seemed to turn you on in some unspoken way and I liked that.


Sophia wrapped up my purchase and sent us on our way... without words and lost in the moment, you grabbed my hand and I followed. Unsure about what I was about to do but dialing my office all the same. I made up a little white lie about not feeling well and followed you through the department store... Giddy with excitement and crawling out of my skin to ravish you... this stranger that just stopped to admire my lipstick.

Starting Anew

Ive decided to start a new blog because I keep getting asked to... Alas, I have succumbed to the social pressures! I am weak that way, I suppose.

I have had other blogs that are basically diary but there are a few that dont know me privately that I have allowed to read it. I suppose this is because not knowing me in real life gives them the ability to read the raw detail that was/is/can be my life.  Its not to say that I dont want others that know me personally to read that blog but there are sometimes things in it that may shock those that know me well. So, I will allow the details of my dull, daily grind to be voyeurized(is that even a word?) via this outlet. What an oddity. Blogging. Like that many people care what goes on in a random girl's life but I suppose some do... Something mindless to read while on lunch break or bored at home... or, for those that know me, the details  of my dating escapades and personal journey through this so called life.

Admittedly, Ive had some crazy dating experiences that I wish I had logged in more detail on a public blog because they have been so ridiculous that someone has GOT to find a laugh behind the words!

I am a self professed writer of many things. Poetry, prose, short stories... Whatever my mind, heart and conscious feel I should jot down. Therefore, this blog will be filled with random styles; from personal experience stories, to erotica and poetry. Many say I should sit and write a book. I say when it starts itself, ill let it flow but for now... I will just write, live and laugh at my experiences in what I like to call...

MY MOMENTARY LIFE.