Expectations

We all have them. Of ourselves, of other people, of situations... of course, most expectations have a downfall attached: MOST FAIL. Most Fall short. Most can be disappointing and therefore, keeping one's expectations in check is important. I bring this up because my week has been filled with them.
First off, im battling the personal expectations I have put on myself and my achievement with my upcoming Triathlon.  Being that its something I have wanted to do for over 5 years, my level of personal achievement is a bit high on the graph. like.... RED ZONE. This is actually a downfall in my character because I tend to have this overwhelming paralyzing sense of looming failure b'c of the level of expectation I have built up internally. Everyone keeps telling me that I dont need to win or that im not doing it to compete but to finish. This is a very true statement but at the same time, I think I am one of those people that will prepare diligently and with heart and determination until it gets close and then I tend to back off and almost self-sabotage. Ive been trying to figure out why I have been slacking. Of course, then I look in the mirror and I dont see an athlete's body. Not like what i used to have when i was athletic in my 20's... Getting older sucks but its no excuse for loosy goosy thighs! I want to be a triathlete. I hard bodied woman that is still soft and curvy. Hmmmm. Of course, after I put on the OH SO FLATTERING bike shorts with padded ass and shiny material, I felt like a Killer Orca Whale trying to look sexy. Lets just say: The shorts are going back and Im going with my back up plan of a gel seat and just shorts to ride and bike in. I need to let go of my social fears of NOT FITTING IN in regards to outfitting my apparel. THE PRESSURE! I bet you never thought of it all! nope!

So, the 2nd expecation that has come to roost in let down is DC flying out to watch the raise and hang out in San Fran for 4 days with me.  Im not going to go into detail but its either work related or something else he wont talk about.  I honestly dont think it has one ounce of truth to the story of his stepmom. Perhaps Im just being a neysayer but ... something is fishy.  Of course, this leads to my mother lending her "opinons" of him left and right.  Shes a pretty harsh person when it comes to men in my life. I suppose no one is good enough. She even made a post to him on Facebook that was sort of insulting. I called her IMMEDIATELY  and told her to take it down. And its no wonder Ive said mutliple times I dont want to bring boyfriends home... and HES NOT EVEN MY *BOYFRIEND*!!! hes a friend.good god... My ex thought my mom was a bit of a wack job....and sometimes, she reinforces it to even me. Its like monitoring a child sometimes.

So, we just talked on the phone and He wanted to meet for Memorial day weekend instead. Unfortunately, the drive for me is horrerndous to do in a 30 day span. He wanted to get a nice hotel and stay and play... his treat of course.... we agreed that he will change his ticket to come to my city instead.  He wants to get some ritzy hotel someplace either in my city or maybe in Vancouver for a few nights.  He really likes to go all out when he travels... I could get used to that aspect I guess... but at any rate... Im never one to feel comfy with someone spending exorbinate amounts of money on me... hmmmm... i told him we could just stay at this super nice hotel in my City on the waterfront...its old and established.... I think he has something up his sleeve.... So, he said he would fly in Wed Nite and leave Tuesday morning...hmmmmm again.

There is this apprehension with this situation b'c we have never been physical on any sort of level other than a hug and sort of cuddling in bed when falling asleep. I just told Rex this morning that I didnt know if DC made good boyfriend material cuz hes kinda unreliable.... i guess ill just have to wait and see whats going on.
Someone needs to step up! I cant handle all this inconsistency anymore!   The only thing that is ever stable in my relationship with Unattainable Rex... and thats not even stable. *sigh*. WHere in the HELL are all the normal men? I ask you.

I have so much shit to do including walking the dog so I will bid adieu....
Until then, keep your expectations low, that way you are always pleasantly surprised when things work out for the best!